It may not be an afro, but it's clean!!

Last week I had to drop by the store to pick up a few things.  I chose a Target since it's a place I'm kinda familiar with. This is important since I still have a big fear of shopping.  I grabbed everything on my abbreviated bachelor list.  But there was one item that I should've easily found, but couldn't seem to track down.  This was something I hadn't bought for myself in well over a decade, so it wasn't a shocker that I couldn't locate it.  And that item was . . .

shampoo

Now if you know me at all, you'll know that my head is a lot more like a cue-ball than a chia-pet.  Still, there is a bit of hair on there and I burned through the tiny bottle that came with the apartment I'm living in.  It took two whole months to do it though.  I kinda have the George Costanza thing going on just a little.  My kids draw pictures of me and the top is always totally bald, but there are these little patches on the sides.  Male-pattern baldness is a beautiful thing!

Back to my search - I looked everywhere and spent a large bit of time walking up and down the "body-wash-aisle."  Who knew there were 8,321 types of body wash?!  I thought the shampoo was gonna be nearby, but wow was I wrong.  After the long search I finally fought off my guy instincts and asked a "red shirt with khaki-pants-wearing" Target girl where the shampoo was.  I TOTALLY caught her glancing at my head and asking herself internally why in the world I'd need shampoo.  Nice.  I let her off the hook and told her it was for my wife.  She showed me to the aisle and I scored a small 87 cent bottle of Suave.  How did I celebrate my find you might ask?

That night I shaved everything off my entire melon with a razor for the first time in my life.  (I"m not entirely sure why I did this)

So if anyone needs shampoo, you can borrow mine - this bottle's gonna last me a while.

To Fedora or Not Fedora

Dear HTF,

I'm sure your mailbox is full of very important questions and comments, but I have a major style dilemma. As you know, I am a fan of the fedora & noticed that fedoras were on sale at Macy's yesterday. I started getting more and more concerned the longer I thought about the fedora clearance rack (how about THAT for a band name??). Were the fedoras on sale because they are not in style, but are actually going out of style? I always thought that Macy's wanted to bring styleto the masses, but now I am wondering if Macy's is trying to make room for a new funky style instead. If so, what would that be? Should I assume the new style is Olympics based & spend my Benjamins on a grill to wear in the swimming pool or on feet of gold (a la Lightning Bolt's flashy kicks)? Should I instead look to see what the ever stylish Justin Timberlake is wearing these days?

Signed,

Future Member of the Fedora Clearance Rack

FMFCR, thanks for the profound questions. You're clearly very prescient (by which I mean you must be a few falsettos short of a boy band) in asking me questions about style. I am in fact the king of style, having turned down opportunities to design with Christian Dior, Ralph Lauren, Tommy Hilfiger, Elmer Fudd, and Larry the Cable Guy. So you came across fedoras on the clearance rack. The fedora is actually native to the clearance rack and thrives in that habitat, feeding on the other clothes that wouldn't sell at a 93.6% discount. My advice, leave it there. Don't assume that because this piece of head wear graces the melons of a few celebrities that it's "cool" for you. . . you're not a celebrity just yet. When you do become one you too will be able to look ridiculous and say stupid things that suddenly become hip. You will also suddenly have deep political insights that you feel the need to share with millions of people who may or may not think you're clueless.

Thanks for your important question, my fedora friend. May you find a gem or two in the treasure trove that is the Macy's clearance rack!