I went to Orientation and ended up an immigration case

Today I attended New Employee Orientation, something I hadn't done is eight years, and have no intention of doing again in the near future (excluding day 2 tomorrow). I had pictured an intimate group of 20 or so folks where we'd all get to know each other and be friends for life. To my surprise, there were around 150 people, many of whom seemed intent on not speaking or even making eye contact with others. This made things pretty darn awkward since we were standing in lines together for most of the morning. The low-light of the day happened after I stood in one of these lines. You see companies have to prove to the government that the people they're hiring are "legal." They do this by having you write your name on a piece of paper a few times and showing "documentation." When my turn came up I showed that I had in fact written my name and then I presented my glorious Kansas drivers license. This did little to satisfy my examiner, who quickly asked, "what other form of ID do you have?" I had no good answer. I could've presented important documentation in my wallet such as:

- A Southwest Frequent Flyer card
- An Olathe Public Library Card
- A QuikTrip Gas Card
- A YMCA card

Shockingly, none of these pleased the examiner who asked me if I could "run home" to pick up a government issued ID. (running home would be like a 6,000 mile round trip "jog") I told her that wasn't possible and she let me know in no uncertain terms that I had 48 hours to come up with even more impressive documentation or I would be deported to Columbia, by which I mean that I would no longer be a "new employee," I'd become a "former employee." Whoa - nice way to start the day.
The Mrs. HTF overnighted the documents and hopefully I can clear this up tomorrow. It's all my fault, I should've actually read the info they sent before the meeting. Anyway, lesson learned. If you ever make the same mistake, take solace, we'll be able to hang out in Bogota together!

K-Mart Flip Flops and/or Spiked Heels - HTF does fashion, sorta

Here's a probing question sent in by observant reader, CM, who again is asking me to opine on the single subject that I perhaps know the least about - fashion. Oh I've blogged before and included some "facts" on the topic, but this is an area probably best left to others. Still, I'm absolutely not above "pandering to the fans" (a fine name for a rock band). So here goes:

Dear HTF:
What is the definition of “business casual”? I work for a fairly large company, in a campus environment. As I walk around the campus, on my way to lunch, etc. I am constantly confused and bewildered by just what “business casual” means. Unless it’s changed, that’s supposed to be our dress code, but apparently I am woefully uninformed as to what this really means. Apparently, business casual includes:

Flip-flops; not the kind with some sort of heel – no, the plastic kind you buy at K-mart for .99
Mini-skirts paired with those platform shoes with the ties that wind around and up the leg: I’m sure this is “business wear”, just not this business
A big belt buckle and cowboy hat (I am not kidding)
Tunic-length tops with leggings and spike heels
A dress in shiny material with fishnet hose; again, this might qualify as “work wear”, just not sure where she was workin

And here’s the really scary part – we go casual on Fridays…..

CM

Well, CM, it seems you have a burr in your leggings on this one. However, I don't really know what a legging is (for no reason I'm picturing a small ferret-like creature) Still, I think I can only help you. You see the root of the problem is simple misinterpretation. When you think business casual - you're thinking a medium step down from silk ties and pant-suits. But the odd ducks you're describing have a recently discovered (by which I mean in the last 10 seconds) malady called Fashion-fo-pa-lexia. They read it as "the business of being casual." When just a couple words are added the meaning changes to being as casual as you can possibly be. The worst forms of this disease feature individuals at board meetings picking at their toes while wearing one-piece pajamas and/or, well, nothing but a smirk. Now that's casual! So be grateful that the virus on your beloved "campus" hasn't grown any stronger.

However, the cowboy hat guy - he should be forced to either sing into the PA system or ride around on a copier wielding a non-lethal cap gun. Also, based on your e-mail - I'd recommend working from home on Fridays - that company of yours must get a little out of hand if the descriptions you gave were non-Friday-outfits.

Thanks for the question, CM - may your working world be a little more business and a little less casual.

Please send in your questions/comments to henrythefrog@gmail.com. You're guaranteed to get a response on the blog which you either may or may not like. And we do give out prizes for participation!

My 3-Week Vacation

Well my little blog hiatus is coming up on 3 weeks in a couple days. No real reason for the absence, just found other things to do. And for the first time in a really long time I'm sitting here with no idea at all about what to blog about. So here are just a few quick hits from stuff that's happened since I last blogged:

- We had our 10th Wedding Anniversary - This is an impressive feat of endurance on Traci's part. I'm awfully glad she's hung in there. I'm like her eternal service project. Someday she'll get me just the way she wants. This event also helped make it clear to me that I'm getting older way faster than I'd like. 10 years ago doesn't even seem like that long ago. But it was pre-kids, so that makes it feel like it was in the 1800s.
- As a way to celebrate the aforementioned anniversary we seriously splurged and bought 6th row tickets to Wicked on eBay. It was better than I'd even imagined. Go see it if you haven't already, and invite me to go with you. I promise not to sing along too much.
- Braeden has started baseball games. This provides hours of non-baseball-related entertainment as we watch little boys pretend they know what they're doing, or even care that much. They're far more interested in doing creative things with, well, dirt. More to come on this topic . . .
- I'm playing the piano in primary. Need I really say more. (snicker, snicker)
- Work is really busy. With the recent layoffs my job effectively doubled in scope a few weeks ago. Ah, the joys of working at a struggling company. For now I'm calling it an opportunity.
- Lost (the TV show) just had the first hour of its 3 hour season finale. I LOVE the show, so don't get me wrong. But do we really need a 3 hour finale spread out over 3 weeks?! Why don't we call it a 16-hour finale and have it start in January and wrap up in May?! Sheesh.

I could go on, but if I do it might be 3 more weeks until I blog. To the few of you who have urged me on to get writing again, thanks, . . . I think. Traci just kinda ridiculed me into it. (she does that to get me to do other things too).

Life is grand.