A Stunning Admission Involving Sequins and White Pants

I like to think that we all have our little secrets that we'd rather the whole world not know. I have one too, and I'm about to tell it to you. Warning - there may be cringing and most certainly there will be calls for me to turn in my man-card. So here it is...
Several years ago the Mrs. HTF roped me into watching some bizarre show where semi-celebrities did ballroom dancing with real-life professional dancers, competing for a big glass ball. By now you know the show - yes, I am a part-time fan of Dancing with the Stars. I try to justify it by rooting for manly athlete types like Emmett Smith and Jason Taylor. There have been multiple Mormons on there, so I reconcile that it's just me supporting my "people." But I must now admit - those are just examples of my playing with my own mind. I'm a fan.
So there it is - perhaps not the darkest secret you've ever heard, but nonetheless, I'm feeling a little liberated, and quite embarrassed. I haven't watched this season, but I'm home now visiting the family, so hopefully my dear wife will get me up to speed. Of course I will feign disinterest . . . until the music starts.
In honor of my admission and tipping my fedora to my frequent political blogs, I leave you with this (sent to me by my good friend William . . . if only it were so):

DVR Dillema and Time-Zone Tragedy

Here's a question sent in by avid reader, CM, who describes an interesting and all-to-common dilemma about time zones, DVRs and Niki Cage:

Dear HTF,

So I’ve been DVRing the Olympics faithfully, and actually watched some of it, but this time-difference thing is really throwing me off. I was really looking forward to watching the balance beam finals tonight, but while I was reading my “on demand” news on my phone today at lunch, I saw the headline that says Shawn Johnson won the gold…and I am so bummed!

So now I don’t even want to watch it – if I’m going to give up a few hours of my life, shouldn’t I at least be surprised at the end? Except for movies – I like happy endings and get very upset at sad ones. For example: HATED The Wicker Man. When has it EVER been a good idea to kill off Nicholas Cage????

By the way, that DVR REALLY came in handy during the marathon….

Signed, CM

I feel your pain. In fact you point out something that should be obvious to the rest of the world, but apparently isn't. If the event is important it should happen live during primetime in the USA, even if it is happening 13 time zones away. If Dancing With The Stars can do it, the Olympic organizers should play along. But alas, it's almost like there are more people in China than there are in the US, and they want events to happen sometime other than between 4 and 7 in the morning. Nice job having the DVR running - as your hero Sean Hannity would say, "you are a true American." (hat tip for learning that with that wonderful piece of technology you can watch an entire marathon in 43.2 seconds, and then ask yourself why they look so tired at the end)

The solution to your problem of finding out the results before you've had a chance to watch the event is pretty straightforward - simply call in sick for a couple weeks and hop on that quick flight from Kansas City to Beijing (58 seconds with a DVR, in actuality, with the time zone thing, you'll land in China several hours before you actually take off from KC). I'm sure you'll have no trouble getting a hotel room and scalping a few tickets. The Olympics really aren't that big a deal, probably you'll just see a few of the athlete's family members and a couple of reporters from the Kazakhstan Daily News. You are, however, guaranteed to run into Michael Phelps and his mom, because apparently they are ubiquitous around there.

Now, in answer to your Nicholas Cage question - I totally agree - taking him out at the end of the movie is a bad idea, it's better just to avoid giving him the part in the first place - better to cast Kevin Bacon or look-alike Danny DeVito.

Thanks for the questions, CM. Enjoy your time on the other side of the world - please don't text me the results, I have 687 hours of Olympics in the DVR to watch!

Olympic Addiction in Full Bloom

It's just hard not to blog a bit about the Olympics tonight. My day started by watching USA basketball make Spain look muy estupido and it just ended by watching the 100M men's final where a guy named Nuts N. Bolts or something broke the world record and actually cheered himself on before the race was even over. That probably made the guys he was smoking feel good. Oh yeah, that Phelps guy got that 8th gold medal. I did let out a little cheer at the end of his relay. Imagine if they would've just gotten the silver - people would've been talking about the BIG DISAPPOINTMENT. I tip my sombrero to him though - may well be the biggest sports feat of all time - if you take don't consider when Redskins QB Gus Frerotte gave himself a concussion after head butting a wall while celebrating a touchdown. I'm not sure what NBC will do now that they probably need to talk about somebody other than Michael Phelps or his mother every once in a while for the rest of the Olympics. In between those big events I used the fast forward button on the DVR to catch some of the less popular sports like:

- Badminton: In the gold medal match two Chinese women slapped that birdie around impressively. I remember playing this in junior high gym class - I just don't remember anyone fantasizing about going pro.
- Women's Shotput: I had to watch for several minutes before I was clear on the gender of the folks chucking the little ball of lead, which I can see weighs more than any of the female gymnasts. These young ladies open their own jars at home!
- Rowing: I think it's called "sculling" or something officially. Either way, if you have a boat with a questionable motor, I'd bring along one of these guys and a couple paddles. Pretty sure you could water ski behind one of these teams.
- Women's Marathon: This has to be one of the toughest events to televise. It's 2.5 hours of people just running. Not sure even the best color commentator in the world could keep the attention of an audience for that long. Thank goodness for the fast forward on the DVR. Still, I did get chills when the lady who won entered the stadium for the last lap. I get tired just driving the minivan 26 miles . . .

There was more, but those were some of the highlights that came to mind. I was in denial for a few days, but I'm embracing my Olympic addiction now. I'm also speculating that they have a body double for Bob Costas or at least some really good CGI guys, cuz he's always on . . . but not as much as Michael Phelps.

PS - E-mail me your olympic questions or comments, guaranteed you'll get a response on the blog which you may or may not like.