henry the frog

Sometimes you go to Chuck E. Cheese and end up face to face with a REAL LIVE GIANT ANACONDA who’s sole desire is to swallow your crushed body in one gulp.  It’s just one of those things that happens . . . to me.

Yesterday the kids helped with the “crazy extensive wet leaf clean-up project” (we’ve now spent more time cleaning up leaves at our new house that we have spent actually sleeping in it) so we decided to reward them with a little high quality Chuck E Cheese time.  Also, our awesome cousins Henry and Arthur were in town, so we wanted to show them a little hyper-fun.  When we arrived we quickly discovered that it wasn’t meant to be.  There was a LINE OUT THE DOOR to get in the place and you can just imagine what it was like inside.  Absolutely frightening….  So we told the kiddos we’d have to make other plans – only 25% of our 4 kids threw a complete NUCLEAR FIT about it, so that was good.

At this point we brainstormed other options, hoping to still show our kids and cousins a little fun.  I made the lame proposals of the mall or bookstore (a family favorite) and then Traci spit out something totally random that piqued tons of interest from the kids and utter fear from daddy -

REPTILE MUSEUM  (click the link)

I kept my protest limited to my inside my head voice.  You see, you don’t know anybody who is as petrified of snakes (which happen to be reptiles) as HTF, but I didn’t want to voice that weakness too loudly.  But I was pretty sure there’d be some snakes there since there’s a giant mock King Cobra head above the entrance to the place.  I was banking on one of our kids misbehaving so I’d have to sit in the car with them.  This technique is usually quite successful for me.  Well, no such luck.  Instead, I had a little girl who needed the bathroom and my introduction to the museum was the lady at the front desk telling me that the restroom was “straight back, all the way through the snake section, just after the Anaconda.”  Oh good.  On the walk back, I’m telling you friends, I almost passed out.  Sydney had to talk me into leaving the bathroom by pulling on my hand.  embarrassing?  Yeah.  But what are ya gonna do?  Oh I survived it, but just barely.  They had the 10 DEALIEST SNAKES there and my 4 year old took me by the hand from cage to cage and pounded on the glass.  Sheesh.

Anyway, I don’t know where the phobia came from, but I confirmed that it’s quite real.  The kicker is that I paid money for that experience – kinda like a root canal I guess.  But the little kids all had fun (I guess that was the point)!

PS – I was gonna post a snake picture on the blog, but did a search and was too freaked out at the images, so you’ll have to settle for this:

Putting the kids to bed is admittedly easier than it used to be now that our youngest can dress herself, sorta.  (We still mostly believe that wearing Dora underwear on your head is super-funny)  Still, if you have children or have observed “bedtime with kids” from a reasonably close distance you know that this is not for the faint of heart.  (or maybe it’s just my kids that are trouble)  A few nights ago I found myself bathing uncooperative girls (meaning I got wetter than they did), reading books about princesses, and singing “Goodnight Sweetheart” to a toy sheep.  In and of themselves, none of these are real burdens and I’ll probably miss it all someday.  Still, after 3 of the four kids had melted down and were throwing small, but deadly, objects at my head I walked away.  My wife asked me where I was going and all I could spit out was,

“I’m going to do guy stuff.”

Not sure why that was the reaction, but it came out.  Let’s be clear, by most reasonable definitions of “guy stuff” I don’t do much.  I remember a Jan 5th night a few years ago where, after saying our bedtime prayer, I opened my eyes and realized that I HADN’T WATCHED A SINGLE COLLEGE BOWL GAME.  Wow, kinda crazy how life changes things.  Here are a few of the “guy” activities I very occasionally do:

• Chopping wood – never felt more “guy-like”
• Playing basketball – this is fun, but inevitably depressing since my skilz here peaked well over a decade ago…
• Watch TV Sports, but never live, that takes too much time.  I DVR so I can skip commercials.  Also I usually have to turn down the volume so low that I sit 6 inches from the screen to hear (kids are “sleeping”)
• Loud rock/rap music – I’ve corrupted the kiddos with this one.  (i’m good with that)  But the volume is a constant battle with the Mrs. HTF.  I don’t need to tell you who wins…

So I’ve been racking my brain for what kind of “guy stuff” I’d do given the time . . . and I’m coming up emptier than I’m comfortable admitting.  Since most of you readers are very much not guys, I’m not sure how much you can help, but do you have any suggestions?

An update on the league is a couple weeks overdue, particularly since I somehow crept back into first place in spite of being one of the poorest scoring teams in the league.  This week Blue Blood and I play in a grudge match for the outright best record in the league.  Here are the current standings:

Emmy and I should be pretty worried about D&D and the Possumz.  Still there are a lot of weeks left and you can expect the standings to change big time.  In the HTF mailbox this week I got this note that I will do my best slightly try to respond to (see answers inserted in the actual note):

Dear HTF,

Since I’m still a novice at this stuff, I hope you don’t mind a couple of NFL related questions. 

1.  Do you think that I am the only person who kept wondering why the Miami Dolphins (Hurricanes?  Herald?) hired Tony Soprano as their coach?

A: Pretty much it’s just you and Ricky Williams.  Just understand that there may or may not be consequences for crossing the new coach…

2. Who is scarier:  Kyle Orton or Sebastian Janikowski?     

A:  Tough one, but I gotta go with Janky there.  KO is REALLY hard to look at and his facial hair looks like a science experiment gone horribly wrong.  But J-dog could literally kick my bootie through the uprights from like 50 yards out.

3. Would you be open to throwing your match-up during week 11? 

A:  You bet, so you won’t even need to play any of your good players, go ahead, bench ‘em, give ‘em a rest that week. 

4.  Who has the more interesting facial hair:  Kyle Orton or Sebastian Janikowski?

A:  See question 2

5.  I heard the person who has the most number of moves and transactions gets a prize!!  I am well on my way toward that goal.  What is it??? 

A:  The prize is that before your first playoff game everyone in the league gets to give you their worst player and you have to find a spot for them on your roster . . . big congrats on that one!

6.  Who has the greatest number of teammates avoid him because he is just so . . . creepy:  Kyle Orton or Sebastian Janikowski?

A:  Since SJ is a kicker, he pretty much gets avoided by default.  Most teammates hardly remember he exists.  The KO is actually stared at pretty often by teammates in much the same way that it’s hard to not look at the albino crocodile at the zoo.  You try to take your eyes of it, but find yourself stealing glances because, well, it’s so incredibly weird.

7. Is it okay if I make a public apology right now?  Thanks!!!  I would like to apologize to Greg Olsen because I was on the verge of dropping him on Saturday night, but I did not do so because I became distracted by an episode of Top Chef.  If anyone cares, I am rooting for Kevin or Jen, but the Voltaggio Brothers bring lots of entertain ment value and make me laugh every single time they bicker.  Does anyone else have a hard time telling them apart when the one brother’s tattoo sleeve is covered up?  Anyway, I would also like to tell Mr. Olsen I’m sorry that I went around and told several people that he may or may not have a mullet.  I’m thinking that he must definitely have a mullet after he scored three touchdowns yesterday because everyone knows that mullets give players power, strength, tons of FF points, and uh . . . unique(?) style.  (See Drew Von Breesi.)

8.  What do you think Sebastian Janikowski's nickname is?  'Cause that is one loooong name.

A.  “Drum-Stick” – cuz have you seen those legs?! 

Thanks for answering my questions, O Froggy Football Expert!  I am so lovin' this game!!!  Destination:  PLAYOFFS!!!!

rabid robot possumz

Glad you’re enjoying the party!  Good luck to everyone this week, except for, of course, Sangre Azul!

It’s been a little while.  No real compelling reason other than the fact that it gets dark at like 3:30 here now and the evenings zap my will to push buttons.  Here are just a few random things:

• Today I received the following instant message from a coworker:  “ok I'm going to connect a corp and then give you a ping”  If you know how to interpret that I’m all ears.  I’m not sure how to feel about it.  (my current list of options are fearful, complimented, or offended)
• A couple nights ago my wife articulated in out-loud-words what exactly was going through her head.  (typically she filters so well, whether intentional or not, that I’m left being, well, a guy trying to guess)  Her exact words were, “You’re supposed to read my mind!”  Trust me, there’s no good response to a statement like that.  And women everywhere agreed with her statement.
• We (by which I’m pretty much just referring to myself) bought Guitar Hero World Tour (the one with the drums and mic and stuff) last week.  We’ve had fun being wannabe rockers.  We did it for FHE activity the other night and at one point my sons and I were all gathered around a single mic singing the “lyrics” (air-quotes intended) to “Beat It” while Traci strummed the guitar and the girls (ages 4 & 6) hit anything they could find with drum sticks . . . repeatedly.  Our family = not the people to put in the ads.
• My optometrist told me yesterday that I don’t drink enough water – how does she know that you may ask?  Well, it was because she (and I’m not making this up) "couldn’t make me tear-up (cry)”  Wow, ok.  I guess women drink like WAY more water than guys if that’s the measure of water intake.  And no one told me I was paying that lady to make me cry.

In other news, Go Larry Johnson!!  (I’m serious, dude, go, go far away)

This week I recieved the following e-mail in the HTF mailbox:

Dear Popester McFroggy Pants:
Have you ever heard people raise questions when the organizer of a fantasy football league winds up in first place? 
Me neither.
CM – not in first place

That’s right, something super-weird is afoot, because after last week I am in FIRST PLACE (barely).  I’m gonna chalk that up to pity from the folks in the league.  After an amazing run in first place, Emmy actually lost a game and I snuck in there.  Yet again (5th week in a row) the Possumz show up on the Toyota-sponsored blowout-board, and again it’s on the right side of the board.  They have run up the most points in the league, followed closely by D&D.  :

Things are heating up – we saw our first trades in the league this week.  Lots can change in the next few weeks as we battle for those playoff seedings.  Good luck everybody!!

Last Friday night we took the crew to “Culture Night” at the elementary school.  This awesome activity featured interactive booths from 27 different countries including exotic places like Iran, Thailand, Oklahoma, and Utah.  We had a blast sampling the local cuisine, seeing photos, hearing music, and reading cool facts about literacy rates. At the Japan booth the kids even got to sport some kickin’ kimonos.  (great name for a rock band)

As we approached the India area (I won’t call it a booth because somehow they got to have an entire end of the school gym, and it was a super-colorful area), Allison quickly became fascinated with the small jewels the women were wearing on their foreheads.  She was super-excited when one of the ladies knelt down and put a smallish plastic “gem” on Allison’s forehead.  She wore this with pride all the way home and to bed.

Later that night Traci and I were veggin’ on the couch watching reruns of The Office (as show she’s recently decided is good) when Allison called down from the balcony with a weird quote: “I have something in my nose.”  That didn’t sound like a big deal until she came down and we noticed a little blood on her nariz.  Then she informed us that she had decided to stuff her Indian-forehead-jewel up her unsuspecting nostril – a move that made perfect sense at the time I assume.  This was no small feat given the size of the piece of plastic.  I ran for the tweezers and Traci started digging around in there as Allison squirmed and protested.  But nothin’ doin’.  We exchanged glances and knew that an all-night visit to the swine-flu-infested ER was regrettably going to be part of our plans.

But then something happened.

While laying in Traci’s lap our little four-year-old gem hider let out a huge sneeze and the purple plastic parasite exploded from her nostril and landed safely on her upper lip.  All we could do was burst out into semi-controlled laughter.  I wrapped the thing up in a kleenex and delivered it to the trash can and we sent our wanna-be Indian to bed.  The moral of the story I guess is that you shouldn’t really put the culture in your nose, and if you do, be sure to sneeze it out before you go to bed.

Thriller was the first album I remember we had when I was a kid.  We wore the thing out.  And the video on MTV (a banned channel at my house that we sneakily caught glimpses of occasionally) was pretty much the coolest thing out there along with MacGyver.  I was genuinely sad when the MJ died.  That feeling surprised me.  Well about a week ago the Mrs HTF came home from the YMCA with a flyer for a class where they would teach us all the Thriller Dance!  There was zero hesitation – the Popes were in.  So on Friday night we walked into the small gym at the Y and learned just how difficult it is to be a dancing zombie.  (for a more informative account of the night check out Traci’s blog)

There were a lot of people, and I took some solace in that.  And they were all different shapes, sizes, ages and nationalities.  Except that about halfway through the class I made the realization that one demographic was dangerously under-represented – THE ADULT MALES.  As I looked around I suddenly realized that I was the only torch-bearer for the not-so-coordinated “guys over 18” crowd.  I’ve been in this situation before at the YMCA, but never in a dance class.  In spite of that I wasn’t about to quit – we hadn’t even gotten to the part where we struck the were-wolf poses yet.  And we all know how important that is.

We practice for an hour an half for the 3 minute dance – super efficient I’m sure.  I was reminded of high school a bit.  Back then I could play full court basketball for 3-4 hours at a time with no problem, but we did dance rehearsals (for the musicals) for 20 minutes and I could barely move the next day.  Those just aren’t muscles we use that often I guess.  And in Seattle style I was wearing HIKING SHOES, which turned out to be a pretty terrible idea – meaning that I got to feel the fun on my feet the next day.  The kids all started out doing it, but quickly bailed on us.  Braeden stuck it out though.  Still, we learned our little routine and later that night Traci and I reenacted the whole dance back at our house.  (If that image troubles you that’s perfectly reasonable.)

Don’t look now, but after 6 weeks of play in our league I’ve crept my way into second place!!  I can only assume this is pity coming from my fellow playas.  Here’s quick rundown on the week 6 results and standings:

It was a huge week for points and a whopping SIX of our teams have the same record (3-3).  And now a few comments about the league:

• Blue Blood came through yet again and in spite of having only the 5th highest point total still sits happily atop the standings with the best overall record.  Congrats, Emmy!!
• D&D continues to pile on the points.  JJ has by far the highest point total, but has only won half of her games.  Not someone you’d want to play.
• The Possumz are the bipolar team in the league (in a good way).  AGM has appeared on the Toyota Blowout box in each of the last FOUR weeks.  Two of those times she’s the one being blown out and the other 2 she’s the victor.  Second highest point total too…

• Cooleyer had a super-hot start and looked poised to challenge, but a couple really close loses the last two weeks have dropped her to the middle of the pack.
• The Beckinators seem to have figured some things out and have landed 2 Ws in a row.  Who knew Eli Manning would be so good?!
• The Chrushers have been Chrushees a bit more of late, but did land a W this week on the strength of Drew Brees and his mullet.
• The No Soup team is kinda the opposite of D&D.  Fewest points in the league, but has still won half the games.  We’ll call that luck efficiency.
• NY Trainspotters have been dropping and adding players like crazy.  Must be a rebuilding year.  It appears management has been turned over to some mysterious guy named Mark…
• The Cannibals are just plain getting eaten.  Looks like that Pittsburgh D and McNabb aren’t exactly what they used to be.  Still the point total isn’t too dismal, so don’t count ‘em out!
• As for me, I’m just glad I loaded up on running backs and that Tom Brady knows how to find Wes Welker in the snow.

Hope everyone is having fun.  Good luck in week 7!!

I love talking to people about all the jobs they've had in their lives.  I find it a little bit interesting that as folks tick through their job descriptions the roles get a bit more "boring" as they approach the current day.  It's amazing to hear what people did for money back in the day.  For some reason tonight I got thinking about a job I had in college.  Life was simple then, I had no idea just how simple, and I was proud to be a "lead custodian" at the university library.  For the first year or so of this not-very-prestigious gig my main task was CLEANING THE BATHROOMS.  Let's be clear, the restrooms of a huge university library can be frightening places, in much the same ways that restrooms frequented by my toddlers can be.  I'll leave it at that.  For some reason though I really liked cleaning those bathrooms.  (To my wife's extreme disappointment, my desire to clean bathrooms was something I left at college)  I was the master of my porcelain, tiled, mirrored, domain.  I was shocked to learn that for reasons I still don't understand, the women's restroom had a huge adjoining "sitting room" complete with a raised ceiling, couches, mirrors and carpet.  I can only assume that this area was for people with serious bladder-control issues or something.  Otherwise, why in the world would you want to spend hours on a couch in a BATHROOM?  I just can't imagine why anyone would want to meet up with friends IN THE BATHROOM.  But I cleaned it all dutifully and woke more than a few girls up who were sleeping on the couch in the BATHROOM I was trying to clean.  Trust me, that was super-awkward for everyone involved.  The girl goes to sleep knowing that she's in a "secure female area" and is awakened by a funny-looking dude with earphones and a dripping toilet brush.

During my porcelain polishing days I started dating the future Mrs. HTF.  She wasn't the least bit bothered by my chosen occupation.  In fact, she would very often come visit during those late night hours while I played with chemicals and danced around a bit.  These visits were AWESOME!  Since I never knew where I'd be she'd have to hunt all over the library for me - no one had cell phones back then.  Don't tell my former boss, but sometimes we'd lock the door to that palatial women's sitting area and "hang out."  More often than not this consisted of her watching me perform manly duties like changing the toilet paper and buffing the floor with a huge rotating brush and lots of sweet smelling chemicals.  But we'd pass hours like that moving my cleaning cart from bathroom to bathroom.  Talk about a way to kick up the romance!!  I know it sounds just a bit odd, but she kept coming, which was a clear sign of her tolerance of me (this is a trait that has served her well during the last 11.5 years of marriage).  After a while if she didn't show up some night I was devastated (you know that feeling).  Actually, I remember a few nights where we had some of those serious relationship "talks" that guys dread so much right there in some bathroom.  In all likelihood I was wearing rubber gloves when we decided to have a more serious relationship.  But it still worked somehow and in a very real way I miss those days (except for a few parts that are even too gross for a guy to blog about).  I now have a job that most folks would consider a lot better, by which I mean there’s more money and less need for plastic goggles.  But I'm glad I had those nights spraying windex and sliding around the soapy floors at the Harold B Lee Library.

PS – Just realized this is post #300.  Wow… not sure whether I should cheer or apologize to you.  Thanks for reading along though!

I guess time is a limited resource, kinda like money, or for me, hair.  We try to take advantage of it, except when there’s something really good on TV.  This is particularly true when you make trips to places.  I learned early on that the Mrs HTF DOES NOT mess around with taking advantage of every moment to get the most out of trips, and that holds true for when folks visit us.  They’re gonna see a bunch of stuff . . . and they can sleep on the plane ride home.  This was the case last weekend with the talented AGM made a trip from Kentucky to Sea-Town to party with our troops.  Apparently she’s so big time that she owns her own company out here . . . who knew?!  (this is an actual sign in the city we live in)

I’ll spare you all of the details of the weekend, because you’ll get a WAY better synopsis, complete with photo gallery on her posts here and here.  But in just a few days we saw beaches, mountains, waterfalls, bison slobber, worm dancing, bored bears, kindergarten break-up songs, 4 episodes of The Office on The Wall, my own office which the group packed up in 4 boxes for me, flying fish, stuffy crab restaurants, ferries that literally rock, a super-confusing airport scene (detailed in AGM’s post), blinged-out horseshoe sunglasses, and of course, GUM . . . all over some old building.  (photo below was blatantly stolen from the AGM, but since it’s my kids in it I figure I have a few legal rights)

Seattle is an awesome place to visit and you can bet that all visitors to the Pope fam will have an great time here and will likely be given a personalized 2 hour dance show in our kitchen/family room.  So come visit!!  To the AGM, thanks for coming and partying with us – we all had a marvelous time!