As Seen At The Rock Show – The Return of HTF

I’ve been to a few concerts, which hasn’t automatically made me cool, much to my dismay.  At first I thought just being present would instantly increase my mojo.  In actuality, it often feels more like my presence there is simply tolerated by the cool people AND their tattoos.  The vast majority of my head-boppin’ to loud music has happened in the shower at my brothers’ rock concerts.  A few weeks ago I saw Spoon play two nights in a row here in the Sea-Town.  I’ve seen ‘em play quite a few times, so I kinda did a lot of people watching instead of focusing too hard on the band.  As I looked around and thought about the interesting crowds I’ve seen at other shows, a few “categories” of concert goers formed in my wandering mind.  Here are a few:

• The tall guy in the front row who so intently and passionately sings every word that it’s like he’s proposing to the band in song.  If I were in the band I’d be kinda scared of this guy…  And right next to him is…
• The girl who just STARES at the band.  There’s no movement, no facial expressions, nothing.  It’s like she’s in a bad Sandra Bullock movie where if she takes her eyes off the band or shows emotion of any sort her pants will explode.
• The girl who has come with her date, but the guy refuses to get up and dance with her.  For the first few songs she actually tries to lift him up out of his seat.  By song 3 she gives up but just dances wildly by herself.  On song 5, which is always a popular one, he begrudgingly stands up cuz he realizes he’s like the only one still sitting and he knows he has some ground to make up with his lady-friend.  She, of course, takes this as a sign that he wants to dance with her, so she turns her moves towards him.  He’s trapped now.  So he waddles a bit and may even nod his head a few times on the down-beat.  He’ll continue this bizarre ritual until the end of the show because he knows that anything less and the date with this girl will probably be his last.
• The girls (and they always travel in packs of 3) who have been drinking heavily and would like everyone around them to know it by demonstrating their off-beat moves which often involve closing their eyes and flipping their hair around like it was on fire or something.
• The guys who came to the show with other dudes and are constantly trying to gauge each other to determine how much movement is macho without being “that guy.”
• The middle aged couple who clearly heard a couple songs on the radio and are trying SO hard to fit in with the younger crowd.  This pair spent more time than any others deciding what to wear while they were in a dark room with total strangers.
• The girl on the balcony who, in spite of the fact that everyone up there is seated, will not be stopped.  She’s on her feet and shakin’ and bakin’.  The guy she’s with (see previous date-scenario description) is clearly mortified and will be leaving to “go to the bathroom” momentarily.
• The short bald guy who is super-proud of his rockin’ brothers and sings along a bit too loud and has mastered the awkward confined space groove.

So next time you’re at show rockin’ out, look around.  Guaranteed you’ll see some or all of these folks.  Rock On and Stuff!