My Mad Shopping Skillz

I've never been a shopper. Just isn't something that I can tolerate well for more than 2 minutes. I'm extremely lucky that the Mrs. HTF does 102% of all the shopping and my spending is mostly limited to work lunches and iTunes. I also have this "disability" (for lack of a better word) that makes me ALWAYS screw up the shopping when I do end up buying stuff. A few of my more common shopping errors:

- Buying the wrong size or quantity of whatever
- Searching for one item in a store for several hours before asking for help, at which point I'm informed that they don't have eggs at the sporting goods store
- Listening to shopping advice from the four-year-old I brought with me
- Failure to use coupons the right way or to swipe the "loyalty card" so I get a better price
- Buying the wrong brand or flavor of whatever
- Having a well-written shopping list, but mysteriously being oblivious to several of the items listed. This always ends with me saying, "How did I miss that?!" when I get home.
- Buying what I will generically refer to as "treats" when they weren't on the list - often at the urging of the lucky (and persuasive) child I brought with me

I could go on, but I'm well aware that most of you readers are married women so you know exactly what I'm talking about. And for the guys out there, I'm pretty sure you get what I'm saying too. There's no real cure for my shopping problems - and in this case practice most definitely will never make perfect. And it could get pricey over time. I could be accused of screwing up on purpose so that I don't get asked to do it. While I could give college courses on that particular strategy, I guarantee that I don't need to TRY to screw up the shopping thing. So on behalf of most guys out there I ask for continued patience. And if you ladies are asking yourselves, "is he this clueless at work" - (to which the correct answer is "he fakes it better there") rest assured that the stupidity only sets in when there's a large, rolling, metal cart at his fingertips.

How I Get Dumber

I love being a dad. My kids regularly ask for my opinion and act like they genuinely care what I have to say. They are fine with the clothes I wear and the music I listen to. I've even been called "cool" on multiple occasions. (but I'm guessing those were followed by snickers after I left the room) However, my oldest turns 9 next week and as this graph clearly shows - I'm about to start getting a lot dumber . . . At least there's hope because it looks like I may stage a recovery in 20 years or so.


more graph humor and song chart memes

So to all you STUPID parents out there . . . just stay alive and it looks like things will get better, at least in your kid's eyes.

PS - please don't show this to my parents.

I Meant To, But I Didn't

Summer hasn't been good for my blog frequency. Here are a few things I had every intention of blogging about, but didn't actually, you know, do it:

• Cub Scout Day Camp (aka "sweaty, crazed 8-10 yr old boys taught to shoot things")
• Last week I was at Georgetown University (Washington, DC) for work stuff. I went on this awesome run all around DC at night. For some reason that made a memory for me.
• High School Musical The Musical - After seeing the movie and listening to the songs litterally a bazilion times we took the kids to the theatrical version of the show. They kinda liked it, but they seemed a bit more impressed with the popcorn and cotton candy. It was pretty well done though.
• Braeden's B-Day party (aka - what possessed me to think that 14 6 year-old-boys running around inside my house was a good idea?!)
• The Specks party with us - On their way to move across the country . . . again . . . B&J stayed with us for a day. The highlight was playing Settlers until 2AM and me losing 3 straight times, handily. I'm such a kind host! Guess that doesn't bode well for fantasy football . . .

Ok, here's the BIG NEWS a few of you might actually care about: I'm going to resurrect the podcast by recording phone "interviews" (and I use that term really loosely) with my blog readers. I already have a few volunteers. Just let me know if you want in by leaving a comment or dropping me an e-mail. I'm still working on a name, but the working title is Scott Talks to His Friends. (that one burned up all of my creativity, so HELP me with suggestions) It should be fun, so I hope you'll like it.

Blog on a Plane: The Sequel

A few of you might remember this post that I "penned" several months ago while I sat for half of my life in a plane on a runway in DC. Well, my luck with airplanes is creeping up again, much to the dismay of the 120 or so angry people sitting here with me. A quick recap:

11:15- I arrived at the airport a hour before my flight and while I was standing in line, 7 foot 7 inches of Manute Bol walked by. Really hard to miss that guy. People, myself included, were staring at him as if he were a singing purple elephant. Somehow I guess my stare was the hardest and he said hi to me, I returned the salutation. We're homies now except that I'm not sure he heard me since his ears aren't really visible when your eyes are as low to the ground as mine are.

11:28- The kind lady checking my bag tells me my 12:15 flight to Chicago is delayed an hour or more and that my connecting flight will likely take off the instant my plane lands so I have no chance of making it. Sweet. I check my bag in and wonder what the odds are that I'll see it again . . . ever.

11:40- Pizza for lunch makes everything better . . . for now.

11:55-1:10- Popped out the lap top and got a bunch of work done. I had at least 6 different phone conversations that must've bugged the guy sitting six inches from me. Sorry, dude.

1:10- We board and hear the pleasant apologies for the "mechanical delay." (wouldn't that be a good name for a rock band?!) Manute is on the plane with me! There's never been a better candidate for a seat with a bit of extra leg room. His legs are longer than my Honda.

1:55- About 20 minutes after take off the captain, in that bizarre captain voice, tells us, "folks, we're experiencing some pressurization problems, nothing to worry about, but we're turning around and flying back to Kansas City." Clearly, this is "nothing to worry about," that's why he's willing to risk the fury of 120 angry people and call "DO OVER."

2:30- It's so good to be home . . . but not really. The plane is hot and people are exactly as pleasant as you would expect. Shortly after we land the captain faces the passengers and starts playing "When The Saints Go Marching In" on his harmonica. He then starts telling bad jokes and let's us know that in the 60 combined years of experience that the crew has they've "never seen anything like this."

2:55- We are asked to de-plane deplane. (good one, huh?!) We're doing this so they can "test the pressurization." The captain explains that if we were to stay on board during the on-ground pressurization it "wouldn't be very pleasant." (by which he means our heads with either explode or implode unless we get off the plane) We quickly get our stuff and walk back into the terminal - all the while with our fingers in our ears just in case . . .

3:25- Big update, they just announced that there's now "weather" (whatever that means) in Chicago . . . so that should help our chances a lot. We're also told that we've had seats reserved on later connecting flights and should all be able to get where we want to go tonight. As a sign that we buy what we're being told, there's a line forming of people wanting to re book for tomorrow.