HTF Does a Book Review . . . and Surrenders the Man Card

Sunday, April 26, 2009 | | |

I’ve done a few posts about a particular series of books (self-referred to as a SAGA) about a teenage vegetarian vampire and a pale girl from Phoenix.  A recent question came in from alert reader, DW.  He said:

Mr. HTF,

It’s always fun to read your literary works of art…

In our house there are two of the “obsessed” when it comes to Twilight.  I’m glad we didn’t know about Forks when I was in Seattle a while back or I would have been encouraged to make the drive to take pictures.  Maybe even bring back some Forks memorabilia.  We actually have two Twilight movies because there’s no way the “obsessed” would be able to share.  The movies were picked up on that opening evening followed by a very late night (early morning) Twilight party at our house with the equally “obsessed”.  Bailey (daughter) was first to take the plunge in this whole thing.  I don’t know how many times she’s read the books.  Kelley (wife) has read them all once and I think is on round two.  As of yet I haven’t read the books but I really liked the movie.  Do I have to turn in my man card now?  I plan on staying out of the sun, not getting a haircut for a very long time, and trading in the van for a sporty silver Volvo.  I think you should read the books and make a recommendation for me.  One last thing, can I have a free bouncy ball?


(Warning to the readers: if you haven’t seen the movie or read the book, this will contain spoilers, so you shouldn’t continue reading and you should probably go watch some football or change the oil in your car or something)

Awesome question, DW.  Let me know how all those lifestyle changes work out for you.  I will openly admit now, for the first time, that I recently finished the first book.  So here’s my little take on the book the ladies in your house, and the ladies in MANY houses are obsessed with.  Disclaimer: I’m not a big fiction reader, so had to adjust to that a bit.  Overall, the story is fairly intriguing, but Ms Meyer way overdoes herself in the romance/relationship piece of it.  Then again, I’m a guy, so I totally expected to have that criticism.  But I got SO tired of reading the never-ending string of adjectives for Eduardo’s perfect physique.  On every single page of the book we are reminded that he is, in fact, BEAUTIFUL.  This is not an adjective that I’m really comfortable with when referring to another guy.  But if you read the book, expect to be reminded of his perfect face, perfect smell, perfect eyes, perfect cheek-bones, perfect hair, perfect chest, perfect voice and perfect toe nails until you are actually ready to puke, perfectly.  This was my biggest complaint about the book – I got really tired of reading pages and pages about some guy’s body, regardless of it’s level of perfection.  (something to ask your daughter/wife about)  For this reason, and also the slow pace of the thing, I almost gave up at the half-way point.  Trust me, the book’s hero will trip any guy’s inferiority complex, and so you’ll have to get past that part.  Not easy…

The action picks up nicely towards the end and has a nice crescendo, like you’ve seen in the movie.  I think my favorite part of the book that wasn’t treated as much in the movie was the history of our vampire family.  I dug getting to know that family more.  That part helped keep my attention.  (I learned more than I wanted to about the two main characters)  One other thing that I would’ve changed – the whole book is written from Bella’s perspective (again a plus for the ladies), so prepare for that . . . you’re gonna spend several hours inside Bella’s head.  But overall, it’s a strong story with great characters, and it did keep me wanting to read more, but just barely.  So call that a tepid recommendation.  Your time may be better spent throwing the aforementioned bouncy ball against your garage door.

At the end of the book is the first chapter of the next in the “saga” . . . so . . . I may or may not be 50 pages or so into “New Moon” already.

Thanks for the question, DW.  Hope we can both figure out enough tough-guy things to do to get our cards back!


  1. bspeck says:

    Whoa Scott. Are you a member of Twilighters Anonymous yet?

  2. My Three Sons says:

    Great review! Loved it! I am surprised the repetitive use of the word "dazzle" in its various forms did not annoy you. And, just to make your life a little more difficult, I must make you aware of the unfinished (but still a valuable 200+ pages worth of) fifth book, which is actually the 1st book, but from Edward's viewpoint (it can be found at the author's website, btw?)

    One last question: If you could sum this book up in two characters or less, what would it be?

  3. JJ says:

    I commend you. You handled that review in a very manly way. I'm impressed. However, if you end up reading the entire series (purely for scientific purposes, of course) you may have to enter a lumberjack competition or participate in Nascar.

  4. A Married Mormon Man says:

    You'll have to stop being so coy. We can see you're restraining your glee at the prospect of reading three more 500 page descriptions of Edward's perfection and Bella's angst. Just writing this is making me want to read them...again...

  5. Mama Nut says:

    I like your review, I must think like a man, but the same things irritated me. I could barely get through it. I couldn't stand Bella's constant whining and obsession. I seriously wanted to slap her. Everyone says they got better... not so true for me. After #2 that was it. I like my men manly. I appreciate manly thinking. Edward is a bit of a pansy to me. Sorry, sad but true. But, after all, he was writen by a woman... what can we expect :)

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