Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Guest Post: A Cow With Too Many Legs, Astronauts, Bob Dole, and the Science of Speeding Across Kansas

A couple nights ago I had a short conversation with someone about what driving across Kansas is like.  Even as a Kansan, I’ll tell you the drive is not for the faint of heart or for the day-time.  The next morning I was stoked to get a guest post submission (one of my favorite things to receive) from my good friend Dave who recently made the trip home to Kansas for the holidays.  Many lines here made me super-chuckle, mostly because they’re frighteningly accurate.  Check it out:

It has been nearly two years since I last went home to visit my family and friends. As I made my way in to town, it occurred to me that there are a few lessons I have learned or have been reaffirmed on this trip, as well as a few observations that I’d like to share with you.

  • State Troopers will not pull drivers over (usually) for exceeding the speed limit by 9mph.
  • State Troopers will pull drivers over for exceeding the speed limit by 11mph.
  • Colorado seems to have more State Troopers than Kansas does.
  • Oakley, KS advertises – and I am not making this up - a 5-legged steer (is that a family appropriate attraction?) as well as the world’s largest prairie dog. **And you thought there was nothing to do in western Kansas.
  • After spending a few hours driving in KS, Hays seems like a fairly big city.
  • Russell, KS remains very excited to be the home of Bob Dole.
  • The farther into Kansas I drive; the more chemical (caffeine) help I need to stay awake. Yet the farther into Colorado I drive, the less help I need.
  • After spending a few hours driving in KS, Salina seems like a fairly big city.
  • Three towns along I-70 boast being the homes of various astronauts. I didn’t recognize their names, but going from a small KS town to, well, space is pretty impressive.
  • You can tell by the smell seeping in through the air vents if you’re downwind of a cow farm or a pig farm.
  • After spending a few hours driving in KS, Abilene seems like…well, no, not even then.
  • Kansas seems to have more State Troopers than Missouri does.
  • When the youngest child traveling is 11, you can make much better time than when the youngest child is 7. (We made the trip of 607 miles in 9½ hours with only 4 stops. That averages out to just less than 64mph with stops. A new personal record! Compare that with the 1100 mile - one way - trip made a few months ago, where the stops averaged one about every 14.7 miles and took, as I recall, approx. 5 weeks.)

It was very nice to come home for Christmas. But I am also reminded why I left this part of the country. Were it not for my family and friends, whom I love, and the food (yea for Kansas City BBQ!!!) I would never come here. Merry Christmas everybody!


rlsecor said...

The farthest east I remember is Ft. Riley. Our road trips usually took us south through Alabama or north through Nebraska. Maybe that helps us because we aren't tainted by those western Kansas experiences that seem to have scarred so many. In fact we still believe the drive from Topeka to Manhattan to be one of the prettiest we've seen. GO WILDCATS !!! (sorry HTF had to!) It is funny because moving to Kansas at 16 - I thought my life was over...you know all the farm kids driving tractors to school and other horrors I was afraid of...so yeah everything was a year or so behind on the trends from the west coast, but no one knew any better, and I had my best year of school ever, even counting college and preschool. So, the place I thought I'd hate the most I actually miss the most. life is funny.

I guess I should start a new blog called
Ramblings inspired by other blogs

Belinda said...

I been from one side of Kansasto the other along I-70 with my sister-in-law in her big truck a few years back. All i can say is this, if you have a case of insomnia get someone to drive you thru Kansas, insomnia cured. There is also some little town, I don't remember where it is at, but if you have ever seen the TV show "Eerie Indiana," well that is that town. Scared us both have to death. Anyway, when we crossed the stateline into Missouri I called my husband and told him I was clicking my heels together and I wasn't in Kansas any more and that I would be home in an hour or so depending on traffic. I don't think Bob Dole was all to happy with his state either, because I don't think he ever moved back there. lol

Rose said...

Does Dave need my husband's number? 813-TRAFFIC. Can help in MO, KS, and IA, out of luck in CO :) .

Rose said...

oops, 816 TRAFFIC (in case anyone seriously wanted to call)

I'm just glad that I70 trip has a higher speed limit than it did a couple decades ago.

Laura said...

I'm glad to be living in Kansas, but I am never glad to drive across it.

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