A couple nights ago I had a short conversation with someone about what driving across Kansas is like. Even as a Kansan, I’ll tell you the drive is not for the faint of heart or for the day-time. The next morning I was stoked to get a guest post submission (one of my favorite things to receive) from my good friend Dave who recently made the trip home to Kansas for the holidays. Many lines here made me super-chuckle, mostly because they’re frighteningly accurate. Check it out:
It has been nearly two years since I last went home to visit my family and friends. As I made my way in to town, it occurred to me that there are a few lessons I have learned or have been reaffirmed on this trip, as well as a few observations that I’d like to share with you.
- State Troopers will not pull drivers over (usually) for exceeding the speed limit by 9mph.
- State Troopers will pull drivers over for exceeding the speed limit by 11mph.
- Colorado seems to have more State Troopers than Kansas does.
- Oakley, KS advertises – and I am not making this up - a 5-legged steer (is that a family appropriate attraction?) as well as the world’s largest prairie dog. **And you thought there was nothing to do in western Kansas.
- After spending a few hours driving in KS, Hays seems like a fairly big city.
- Russell, KS remains very excited to be the home of Bob Dole.
- The farther into Kansas I drive; the more chemical (caffeine) help I need to stay awake. Yet the farther into Colorado I drive, the less help I need.
- After spending a few hours driving in KS, Salina seems like a fairly big city.
- Three towns along I-70 boast being the homes of various astronauts. I didn’t recognize their names, but going from a small KS town to, well, space is pretty impressive.
- You can tell by the smell seeping in through the air vents if you’re downwind of a cow farm or a pig farm.
- After spending a few hours driving in KS, Abilene seems like…well, no, not even then.
- Kansas seems to have more State Troopers than Missouri does.
- When the youngest child traveling is 11, you can make much better time than when the youngest child is 7. (We made the trip of 607 miles in 9½ hours with only 4 stops. That averages out to just less than 64mph with stops. A new personal record! Compare that with the 1100 mile - one way - trip made a few months ago, where the stops averaged one about every 14.7 miles and took, as I recall, approx. 5 weeks.)
It was very nice to come home for Christmas. But I am also reminded why I left this part of the country. Were it not for my family and friends, whom I love, and the food (yea for Kansas City BBQ!!!) I would never come here. Merry Christmas everybody!