Strikes Con Queso

You may have done something cool tonight.  Perhaps you watched something good on TV, maybe you went to the gym, possibly you even walked on the moon.  Well, I got you beat, because, with my new work group, I ate unhealthy appetizers and went bowling.  Why do those things go together, always?  Oh yeah, and I guess it should be pointed out that most everyone else in the "alley" was complementing their no-tread shoes on a slippery floor by downing stabilizing glasses of beer.

Let it be known that I am a master of bowling in much the same way that I'm a much sought after expert in hair care products, although I may have forgotten a few things since male-pattern baldness kicked in at the age of 19.  I have heard the snickers (and tonight I sensed them from a crowd too polite to give sound to their thoughts) as others marvel at my bowling "form."  (emphasis on the "air quotes")  Yeah, I'm pretty bad.

So here I sit with a bit of a blister on my toe and I'm actually slightly sore.  Pitiful, I know.  Still, a good time was had by all, including the HTF.  An odd thing with bowling is - we pay money, probably too much, to roll a ball.  To roll a ball?!  To roll a ball while we wear funny shoes . . . that we also pay for.  It's understandable that we get distracted by cheesy-fries and mozzarella sticks.  Some make little funny jokes about bowling.  But we've all done it and we'll do it again.  These are the relics of "culture" - and culture is always better with a little cheese on top.

Glossy Ads and Pessimism

I opened my mailbox today at my temporary apartment and was overwhelmed by a deluge of glossy ads proclaiming that certain politicians would certainly make everyone instantly wealthy and their competitors were against children, puppies, and world peace.  Like most of you I'm kinda fried on politics right now.  But I'm a guy living alone who also happens to be a political junkie - so absent stories about my kids, I'm left to blog about the reality TV that is the 12 year-long presidential election that's about to end.  The "media" are helping us all make informed decisions by being perfectly impartial third-parties dedicated to providing absolutely untainted facts equally supporting both sides.  This was demonstrated while I was in the gym a couple days ago (true story) - I was kickin' it on the treadmill and I looked up at the big TVs in the room.  Here were the two "breaking news stories":

CNN - "Obama is surging in the polls and pulling ahead"

Fox - "McCain is surging in the polls and closing the gap"

I deeply appreciated the clarity from the talking heads. 

Since I voted yesterday via absentee ballot, I care somehow even less about what's being said on the tube.  (not that that'll stop me from watching)  Politics kicks up so much emotion and hipocracy - I'm guilty of both I'm sure.  It'll be quite interesting to see what 90% of voters have to do when there's no W in the White House to vilify.  It'll be a big shift for many people to not have someone to just be AGAINST - they'll have to be FOR something. 

For instance, I know many people who helped beat the drums FOR the war (or at least didn't oppose it in any way noticeable to themselves) and woke up one day totally AGAINST it and the once very-popular president.  It's hard to root for a losing team, especially in politics and college football.  So one way or another about half of us will be happy on Tues night and half will have a new somebody to be against.  I think we need more people who are optimistic about government, cuz based on like 98.5% of my conversations with folks about politics in the last three years, it's tough to get more pessimistic.  And I have yet to see pessimism really ever help people accomplish much.

Also, maybe someday I'll get something good in the mail.

Are you listening, ABC?

Since the last two posts had something to do with odd things about me people dancing, I figured that a third would make for a good rhythm, but let's not start calling it a theme, ok?  For this post we turn to the bursting-at-the-seams mailbag (henrythefrog@gmail.com):

Dear HTF:
Like you, I am a fan of DWTS (Dancing With The Stars). I’m already looking ahead to the next season, and was coming up with my own contestants (“stars”).
Sarah Palin – if she’s not too busy making policy with the Senate
Henry Paulson – he needs to milk his 15 minutes
John McCain? Um…no
Michael Phelps – and he has to wear all those medals for every dance
Joe The Plumber
Shannity – I’m sure he’s also a Great American Dancer
What do you think?
CM

I like where you're going with this, CM.  As for me, I'm voting in favor of politicians having to compete on DWTS to be even allowed to run for anything.  And at at least 50% of every political ad has to include highlights from their "routines."  And the non-political types that you mentioned would be marvelous to watch get crazy on the hardwood.  Here are a few others I'd recommend:

• David Gergen, cuz I'm told he's "smokin'"
• Dick Cheney - if anyone can find him
• Katie Couric
• Billy Clinton - Just keep him away from the ladies changing area
• And my favorite - let's match Hillary up with Rush Limbaugh and watch the "sparks" fly

As a tribute to the match made in heaven of politics and dancing I give you this:

Send your questions/comments/feedback into henrythefrog@gmail.com.  You're guaranteed to get the auto-response that I set up along with a new car of some sort.

HTF and HSM

Yesterday I had the pleasure of taking the Mrs HTF and the four little tadpoles to a showing of the long-awaited, in our house at least, High School Musical 47. (I’m calling t HSM from here on out, cuz it takes up less space) You should know that my kids are extreme fans of the series including such vital memorabilia as HSM pajamas, underwear, and fruit snacks (I’m guessing on that last one, but it’s a darn good guess).

One Pope-Family-Tradition that you should all be lucky enough to observe from a safe distance at some point is our Dance-Parties. This is where I plug in the iPod to some speakers in the kitchen and the kids let loose doing moves that are a mix of break-dancing, aerobics, hip-hop (my girls can “shake in” if you know what I mean), and intense interpretive dancing, which often results in injury. In all seriousness, if I had 10 minutes left to live, the family Dance Party is how that time would be spent. Well, over the years, HSM music has been featured prominently on our wooden dance floor. I’m pretty sure our DVR defaults to HSM when you turn it on, regardless of where it was last set. Allison could say “Gabriella” before she could say “milk.”

Well the movie didn’t disappoint at all. My expectations were low, but it was great. At one point my girls were literally dancing in the aisle next to our seats – this is the sign of an effective pre-teen movie. The characters are way too good to be true. (Although I got kinda concerned when on the way home Traci made us stop at the store so she could get her own life-size Zach Efron poster to hang in our room while I’m living in Seattle. Not sure how I feel about that . . . (j/k). At this high-school there are no drugs, drinking, cheating, sex, or violence – even the food in the lunch room looked pretty good. Imagine if we’d have all had a high school experience like these kids. They’re not overly selfish (Sharp-Hey excluded as the not-so-evil villain), and heck, the theme song is “We’re All In This Together.”

I see high school kids, and they may make fun of the HSM gang, but they should be jealous. Teenagers do SOO much to make those years way harder than they need to be. A little more singing and dancing would help. I say this as a former participant in high school musicals myself. Oh I wasn’t much of a performer, but if you were male and could walk a few steps without falling over and also lip synch effectively you could make the show. (I have some stories that I’ll share in future posts) But there was a real power to being part of something like that. I remember those feelings and the closing moments of the show brought some of ‘em back. I hope my kids can do shows at some point. They’re certainly working on the dancing part!

Anyway, I recommend the movie. And, if you’re too embarrassed to go see it, you can borrow several of my kids so you’ll look more like a compliant parent than a groupie. But it's a package deal - I get to go too.

A Stunning Admission Involving Sequins and White Pants

I like to think that we all have our little secrets that we'd rather the whole world not know. I have one too, and I'm about to tell it to you. Warning - there may be cringing and most certainly there will be calls for me to turn in my man-card. So here it is...
Several years ago the Mrs. HTF roped me into watching some bizarre show where semi-celebrities did ballroom dancing with real-life professional dancers, competing for a big glass ball. By now you know the show - yes, I am a part-time fan of Dancing with the Stars. I try to justify it by rooting for manly athlete types like Emmett Smith and Jason Taylor. There have been multiple Mormons on there, so I reconcile that it's just me supporting my "people." But I must now admit - those are just examples of my playing with my own mind. I'm a fan.
So there it is - perhaps not the darkest secret you've ever heard, but nonetheless, I'm feeling a little liberated, and quite embarrassed. I haven't watched this season, but I'm home now visiting the family, so hopefully my dear wife will get me up to speed. Of course I will feign disinterest . . . until the music starts.
In honor of my admission and tipping my fedora to my frequent political blogs, I leave you with this (sent to me by my good friend William . . . if only it were so):

On Two-Years Rest . . . again

I haven't been much for blogging the last few days, so I'm going with the ultimate cop-out - a re-post. (is that a word?) In the spirit of self-deprecation (the opposite of what we here from our humble presidential candidates) I give you this post from Dec 8, 2006:

So a few days ago I went and tried, stressing that word, to play full-court basketball for the first time in a long while. Going in there with almost two year's rest I assumed I'd totally dominate. Actually, I set the bar a little lower - being able to walk again within 3-4 days would be a stunning success, but I was content with survival. I stretched and jogged around a little bit before we started - this part went marvelously. I even made a few shots in the warm up. Then we began . . . Now let me say in all fairness, I can do 3-4 miles on the treadmill without much struggle, it's not like I'm totally hopeless or anything. But after roughly 2 minutes of play, all of my cells, except for 3 or 4 of 'em, were on fire. I was huffing and puffing so hard I was afraid I was gonna do structural damage to the building. At one point the guy I was guarding got an outlet pass and went flying down the court towards his goal. Now I knew exactly what I needed to do, I just needed to run him down and get in front of him. He had a little head start, but I knew I could catch him . . . At least my mind knew it. With literally no one around me I took two quick steps towards him . . . I was off to the races, or so I thought. Then, like some kind of drunk panda bear, the top half of my body kept moving in the direction I wanted it to, but the feet were quite content to be stationary. I fell flat on my face at midcourt, skidded to an ugly halt, and my guy scored. A thing of beauty. It's rough to spontaneously fall down on your face, all alone, for no apparent reason. All the guys were good enough to not say anything to me about it, but there was no need - any semblance of pride in my hoops prowess is gone. I'll keep going back though. The moral of the story: I should've probably stretched more or at least have worn protective gear with an oxygen mask.

Tribute to Gertrude

A few posts ago I kicked off a little contest. This was mostly to see if people were actually reading the blog. A few of you took the bait, and I was impressed with the responses, particularly Aubri's "uhhhh..." So, I tip my fedora to Becca, Alida, and Julianna for at least playing along and especially Becca for coming up with "dweeb". But the prize of a tribute post goes to Krista. (I just noticed that all the responders have names that end in the letter "a"... don't know if that's interesting or not.)I'm going to write about her even though the kids helped out so much. It's much easier to write about my sister-in-law than a group of nieces and nephews. Hopefully they will enjoy reading about their mommy though. By the time the rest of you read this, you're likely going to be pleased that you didn't win:

You see Krista is someone everyone should know. She was born Gertrude Caseopia Lahti, so you can see why they called her Krista. Life couldn't have been easy, what with having to live in an igloo in Anchorage eating mooseburgers and speaking eskimo. (English is her second language as you'll learn when you talk with her) At age 5 she was a successful kindergardner with pig tails, and one thing led to another and today she's a terrific mother of 5. Krista isn't like some mothers you know, she knows everything about her kids, including their names and birthdays, but this isn't the only thing that makes her a great mother. She's been known to spend hours playing games with them, but letting the little people win is out of the question. She compassionately teaches the kids to be good losers. Here are a few other great "facts" which may or may not be true about Krista:

- She is perhaps the most competitive non-male I know. (and I know "competitive" having played years of church basketball)
- Krista has lived in exotic places such as Guam, Idaho and of course, her current island paradise of St. Louis.
- She's always up to date on current events, but she doesn't have cable so the source of all of her knowledges comes from the always-accurate internet.
- She's an excellent blog author, but I can't link to her blog because she keeps it super-secret (invite-only) . . . yeah, it's that good!
- At this moment she's hosting my wife and our 4 kids at her house, so if you're doing the math, there are like 14 kids there now. She handles it amazingly well. (It's Uncle Mike you should feel for . . . I've been in those shoes . . .)

So I pay homage to my sister-in-law for all that she manages and is. Because not only does she do all that stuff I told you about, she takes time everyday to humor me by reading HTF.

Thanks for all that, Gertrude.

Economists and Plumbers are suddenly rock stars!

I should be snoozin' right now, but I can't help but opine about a couple news items from what was a pretty eventful day:

(in no particular, you know, order)

1. Stocks crashed for like the 11th time in the past 9 trading days. Economists, who have never been more popular, are saying that this "recession" will be "deep." When pressed for details they used penetrating words like "bad" and "long." Seriously, is there a big different between an enconomist and a psychic?
Psychic: "I sense that somebody in the audience will have an experience, a bad one . . . in the future."
I guess the difference is that when economists open their mouths bad things actually happen (see first sentence).

2. Tonight was the final of the 439 presidential debates in an election that began in the the spring of 1992 and is quickly coming to a close. I was lucky enough to only catch the last 30 minutes. Something struck me while I was watching it - there is absolutely no chance that these guys can possibly be telling the entire truth here - and they HAVE to know it. Still they must have reason to think that we're not bright enough to figure out who is stretching the truth the most. In the immortal words of Charlie Young (The West Wing Season 2) - "Everyone gets treated like they're stupid in an election year." That's probably truer than we'd like to admit.
At one point Mccain accused Obama of inventing cancer and Barak let us all know that John had been Hitler's campaign manager way back when. I'm pretty sure people don't like hearing these intriguing allegations because when they were mentioned the "hypnotic tracking signal" that CNN shows had both gender lines go off the bottom of the screen.

But the oddest thing was that some guy named Joe the Plumber had a staring role in the debate. He was mentioned twice by Barry and NINE TIMES by JohnyMac. He kept coming up regardless of the topic Bob threw at them. Pretty sure he's gonna be in somebody's cabinet.

So here's to all of you economists and plumbers out there - we've apparently never needed you more!

Deputy Downer

Warning - my unstated goal with 90+% of posts is to leave you chuckling and sending the blog post to all of your friends, family, neighbors, and even those people you don't know who are your "friends" on Facebook. Granted, I typically fail at my goal, but a guy can dream. This is not one of those funny posts.

Is it just me, or is everyone, and I mean everyone, a little more down and/or on edge? Seriously, I get this sense that all the really-nasty economic stuff going on, coupled with an increasingly-annoying election is starting to drag us all down at least a bit. Seems like folks are thinking a lot more cup-half-empty about the future, and who can blame 'em? There's not much eminating from the news channels to life our spirits (but isn't that almost always the case). It really does feel like the end of life as we know it, for now at least. These guys running for president are doing nothing to make me feel better, in fact, I was gonna vote for JohnyMac, who I've never really been a fan of, and as of today I'm squarely on the fence. (I know that'll shock a lot of you since I've never voted for a donkey-party candidate - this may be the first time) The solutions to the financial problems coming from politicians involves throwing ungodly piles of money at things. We're over a TRILLION DOLLARS if you're keeping score at home. Imagine if we could've used that money to fundamentally reform education and/or make ourselves energy independent (or we could've built a road from Seattle to Hawaii so I'd have another place to visit on weekends).

I'm a bright-side guy usually. Big problems are typically somebody else's problems - if you know what I mean. And I have almost nothing to complain about. Yet here I sit in an apartment in Kirkland, WA - alone. My family, who I miss so badly that it hurts is 3,000 miles away and the only thing that's keeping us apart is that we need to sell our house - at the worse possible time in my lifetime to be selling a house. Our realtor let us know, in a kind way, that like nobody is crazy enough to buy houses right now unless they're gonna steal 'em from people. So yeah, I guess this financial crisis is suddenly feeling real, at least more real than the "on-paper" loses that I cringe at in the 401K and IRAs. We'll deal though and things will work out one way or another. We are incredibly blessed and have so much to be thankful for. Still I ask you, is my little view of how people are thinking/feeling just shaped by my family's own little trials or is it more pervasive than that? Let me know.

As for me, well, I need to laugh. It's just a lot harder to do that alone.

HTF (aka "Deputy Downer" .... sorry about that)

Utensils and Best-Selling Novels

Books are great. I've even been known to read one or two over the years. Even a few without pictures that required the use of an actual bookmark. I don't really keep track of what books are popular aside from I guess Harry Potter and the 976 versions of the Bible that seem to always be for sale at the Sam's Club. It is however, tough to escape the popularity of the "Twilight" series by J.K. Rowling or Stephanie Meyer, . . . it's one of those two. Not that long ago I got my first introduction to the series which is INCREDIBLY popular among women of all ages.

I literally thought my wife was playing an amazingly creative joke on me. She described a tale about a 17-year-old-girl named Bella who moves to Forks, (yes, I said forks) Washington and falls for a boy named Eddie or something who just happens to be a . . . (wait for it) . . .CANADIAN . . .!! Actually he and his family are real-life, fictional, VAMPIRES. But not to worry because, as wikipedia points out, this is not that big of a deal because his family has shunned drinking human blood and sticks with meals of animal blood instead.

So my wife, along with 86.7% of other litterate females, is suddenly a HUGE fans of vampire books. There are four of them (the books, not the females), but you can ask the lady of your choice for the rest of the plot. And there's another one called The Host that's about aliens possesing people's bodies and taking over the world. (I'm not making that up) Suddenly my wife is into vampires and sci-fi novels?!!!

All that I know is that once the Mrs. HTF picks up one of these books she ceases to, you know, exist in this world. She tunes the rest of us out completely. Here's proof. Also, unless you're living under a rock and/or you're a guy, you'll know that there's also some movies based on the books coming out that will be like an estrogen convention I'm guessing. (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I was recently given an even better reason to be a Stephanie Meyer fan - two females, (my wife and alert-blog-reader, JJ) pointed out - at the end of Mrs. Meyer's last best-selling novel, the Mormon, BYU grad pointed out that she was inspired in her writing by my brother's rock band, Spoon. (if you're paying attention, that's the second utensil reference in this post, and I wasn't even trying!) So maybe, just maybe, I should put down my books about politics, current events, or business management and join the ladies in reading about blood-sucking, alien, body-snatchers who woo teenage girls in logging country.

Or maybe I'll just wait for the movie.

That's A Lot of Zeros

After my post on the subject, a few of you have sent in questions about Congress's bailout, rescue, nonsensical, $700B "package." I have lots to say on the subject, but to answer the most common question, here is a chart that even the US Congress can understand:



Hope I don't come across as too jaded, but this chart looks pretty accurate to HTF . . .

Keep sending in your questions/comment/jokes/rants to henrythefrog@gmail.com.

What You Need To Know Before You Vote!!

Today, we go to the mailbag for a timely question from another alert reader who is clearly a political junkie in need of a fix:

Dear HTF,

Another Presidential debate is coming up this week. What is the one question that you would ask each candidate?

Signed,
"I'm so glad someone else came up with the answer to the three questions because I'm still stuck on, "Uhhh . . . "

P.S. Because you wanted more audience participation & a full mailbox makes everyone feel great, I decided to throw in a PS for you. My questions would be:

--Barry, there are a lot of Big Poppa fans (like ahem, me!) out there. Why did you choose Ole Crazy Joe over him as your running mate?
and
--Grandpa, some people (ahem, me again!) think that Republicans are horrible dancers. Defend your party, Gramps!!

Did you just call the junior senator from Illinois, "Barry?!"

Sweet.

Those are strong suggestions. I've spent several days (by which I mean I haven't spent more than 3 seconds) now researching and formulating vital questions that the American public needs answers to in the upcoming debate. Here are a few that Captain Tommy should sling at the odd couple on stage this week:

- "Senator Obama, of the endangered species out there, which one deserves our greatest attention and which one should go hunting with Dick Cheney?"

- "Senator McCain, if you had to give Britney Spears a cabinet post which one would it be and why?"

- "Senator Big-Foam-Columns, you're against capital punishment, but what do you propose we do with that mosquito sucking blood from your forehead right now?"

- "Senator Lots-of-Houses, would you support a proposal requiring supreme court justices to wear Bono-sunglasses and JT Fedoras whenever they don their robes?"

Thanks for the question, alert reader. I could go on and on, but let's open it up to the 3 of you who actually read the blog. Click "comment" and enlighten us on what you'd like to hear.

Do you want me to write a tribute about YOU?

We're gonna try something a little different tonight/today. You see I've been trying to get a little more reader interaction on the blog. So for a little fun I'm going to ask you 3 questions. You can answer by commenting on the blog. Whoever is the first to answer correctly - I will pen a powerful, semi-sincere, partially-accurate tribute to you here on the blog. Here's the kicker - you can't use the world wide web, information superhighway, or interweb to search for the answers. I'm sure of your integrity and I'm pretty sure this isn't worth cheating on. I also invite you (whether you try to answer the questions or not) to congratulate the "winner" by commenting and/or giving me one thing you think I should address in the "tribute." For example, "tell us about the winner's first date" or "tell us about his/her worst job" or "tell us why he/she deserves to be shot by a child with a wooden arrow funded by the bailout." So here are the three questions:

1. Name one fruit with its seeds on the outside instead of the inside

2. There are 14 punctuation marks in standard English language – name them

3. There are three words that begin with the letters “dw” – list them

So let the games begin. If you have access to the first season DVDs of The West Wing, you'll have an easier time answering them. Hope you'll all play along.

Saving The Planet With Wooden Arrows, Rum, and Sheep Hair

I'm told there's a financial crisis sweeping the world and that it involves words like "distressed assets" and "mortgage-backed-securities" and "collateralized-debt-obligations" and my favorite, "unclog." Suddenly our elected officials and the omniscient ones talking to us on our television are experts in all of these words. I'm pretty sure the only one they understand is the last one. I've been meaning to write about this and you'll hear more in the coming days, (now that the US Congress is on the job I'm sure the crisis is in our read view mirrors) but I wanted to address a question sent in by another alert reader:

Dear HTF:

Why are there wooden arrows designed for use by children? This sounds dangerous and really should be addressed in the bailout plan. What do you think?

CM

CM, you should run for congress, cuz you're obviously able to "think" the way they "think." (air-quotes intended) What you're referring to are the several NECESSARY MEASURES that were included in the bailout-rescue-Save-the-World bill that passed today. Here are a few items that were key to the passage of the bill, and I am not making this up:

Wooden arrows: This tax break, backed by Oregon's two senators, would benefit an Oregon manufacturer of wooden arrows for children by $2 million over 10 years.

Racetracks: Earmark would allow auto racetrack owners to depreciate their facilities over seven years, saving the industry $100 million over two years. (cuz we ALL need to watch people turning left)

Rum: Offers rum producers in Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands a rebate on excise taxes worth $192 million over two years. (did we really need to bailout rum producers?!)

Wool: Reduces tariffs for U.S. makers of wool fabric that use imported yarn, worth $148 million over five years. The measure was pushed by Reps. Louise Slaughter, D-N.Y., and Melissa Bean, D-Ill. (I guess the US Sheep lobby isn't what it used to be)

Hollywood: Extends a tax break for film and TV companies that keep their production in the United States, worth $478 million over 10 years. The provision was originally pushed by Rep. Diane Watson, D-Los Angeles. (if we're gonna have a depression, we need entertainment more than ever!)

And it's a wonder that EVERYONE I talk to thinks the Congress is run by do-do birds (and that's me being nice to Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi). Both parties are equally do-do-ish on this one, "W" signed the thing this afternoon. Its $700 Billion, so I guess they thought they could sneak these by us out of sheer size. I wish they'd have thrown by mortgage in there. Or at least we could've bought Canada or something.

Anyway, back to your original question -

"Why do children need wooden arrows?"

To shoot at the "adults" running this country.

(click on the image below - also provided by CM, titled "October Madness")

Pretty Much Everything I Know About The Northwest

Today we're taking a peek into a recent note that hit the mailbag. Here it is:

Henry the Frog,

Now that you’ve spent a few days in the Northwest, what is it that you like? And what do you miss (or will miss) about living in Kansas?

TMP

Just as I spoke authoritatively for all Alaskans a couple weeks ago, I'm totally ready to tell everyone exactly what's great about the Northwest having spent quite a few consecutive hours here now. Here are some things that I like:

- It absolutely never rains here, despite what you all said to me several billion times before I moved here. I haven't seen a drop in ALL of my days (all 4 of them), so from that it's clear that you all lied to me.
- The Prius to SUV ratio here is like 102.7 to one. I remember when the hyper-popular-hybrids (a good name for a rock band) were an anomaly. Well here in Seattle they seem to be more ubiquitous than trees.
- In spite of some pretty gnarly traffic, things here are pretty easy to get to. Definitely not one of the more urban-spralish cities I've seen. In non-rush hour I'm like 20 minutes from most anywhere I wanna go . . . except Kansas City.

And now, what do I miss about KC (this is excluding people, I miss you all, and because you're reading my blog, I miss you more than all of the non-readers)?:

- There were no trees to block the view.
- In KC, "traffic" meant you could only go like 50 MPH
- The Chiefs BEAT DENVER last week - I remember how people were always noticeably happier on Mondays after a win, particularly a shocking one like that one.
- I didn't need a GPS to drive to work in KC
- I know I'm gonna miss the violent thunder-storms in the midwest. I think we may install a "tornado siren" in our new house here that I'll turn on periodically just for the rush of diving for cover in the basement (which we probably won't even have).

I'm sure I'll have some actual insights if you check back in with me in a few weeks.

Thanks for the question, TMP!

Please keep commenting and send in your questions/comments to henrythefrog@gmail.com.

As for me, I'm gonna go throw away my umbrella now . . .