The HTF mailbag got a rare hit this week. Remember to send in your questions/comments/words of any sort to email@example.com.
So here we go (longtime blog readers will quickly recognize the prose here):
So you might would be interested to know that word on the street is that you were the one who hung the Blago jury. The word on the street is that you were afraid that The Hair just wouldn’t look the same with the hard water of hard time.
In case you were wondering, additional words on the street that I have heard about you: that you own a hairless cat, that you also own The World’s Fastest Amphibious Car and that Spineroos in the water are even more fun than on land, that you secretly like snakes, that you prank call local businesses using a Scooby Doo voice, that you once had a sweet perm (during your boy band days), that you were responsible for New Coke, that your real name is Francois, and that you actually like to talk like Scooby Doo when doing Water Spineroos with your hairless cat in your Amphibious Car while drinking New Coke AND eating Pop Rockets! Oh, and that you totally named your hairless cat "Francois McDoo" (Francois/Scooby hybrid). Oh part II, and that you’re Batman. (Totally explains The World’s Fastest Amphibious Car. As well as the ability to drink New Coke while eating Pop Rockets without your stomach and/or head exploding.)
I cannot reveal my sources, but I am asking you to confirm and/or deny these statements.
Let me begin by chuckling about the phrase in your first sentence – “might would be interested.” That one is a winner. For instance, “I might would be an excellent NBA center.” On the Blago thing, I’m sworn to secrecy, but there may or may not be a deal in place awarding me the next Illinois senate seat that opens up.
For paragraph 2, I knew there were some “words on the street” about me, but I had no idea that some of those words would include Spineroos or Francois or even Batman. While I can neither confirm or deny any of that specifically. Here are a few facts:
- “Hairless Cat” is a good name for a rock band, but would make a horrific pet that would scare the people
- The name is Frankie Mac – and he’s clearly against all things French. In fact, at the mention of his name, the Frenchies put up the surrender monkey flag and award me the Eiffel Tower and some truffles
- The Car you mentioned may or may not exist, but it’s classified, and it’s green, and I can plug my iPod into it.
- Had nothing to do with “New Coke”, but that was possibly the term I used in junior high while daring people to snort Pop Rockets.
- Snakes are evil. There’s not a debate to be had there.
- I’m Iron Man (not the other guy)
- Perm = no comment
Thanks for the inquiry, AGM. Just don’t go believing all the words on the street.