I went to Orientation and ended up an immigration case

Today I attended New Employee Orientation, something I hadn't done is eight years, and have no intention of doing again in the near future (excluding day 2 tomorrow). I had pictured an intimate group of 20 or so folks where we'd all get to know each other and be friends for life. To my surprise, there were around 150 people, many of whom seemed intent on not speaking or even making eye contact with others. This made things pretty darn awkward since we were standing in lines together for most of the morning. The low-light of the day happened after I stood in one of these lines. You see companies have to prove to the government that the people they're hiring are "legal." They do this by having you write your name on a piece of paper a few times and showing "documentation." When my turn came up I showed that I had in fact written my name and then I presented my glorious Kansas drivers license. This did little to satisfy my examiner, who quickly asked, "what other form of ID do you have?" I had no good answer. I could've presented important documentation in my wallet such as:

- A Southwest Frequent Flyer card
- An Olathe Public Library Card
- A QuikTrip Gas Card
- A YMCA card

Shockingly, none of these pleased the examiner who asked me if I could "run home" to pick up a government issued ID. (running home would be like a 6,000 mile round trip "jog") I told her that wasn't possible and she let me know in no uncertain terms that I had 48 hours to come up with even more impressive documentation or I would be deported to Columbia, by which I mean that I would no longer be a "new employee," I'd become a "former employee." Whoa - nice way to start the day.
The Mrs. HTF overnighted the documents and hopefully I can clear this up tomorrow. It's all my fault, I should've actually read the info they sent before the meeting. Anyway, lesson learned. If you ever make the same mistake, take solace, we'll be able to hang out in Bogota together!