Tuesday, June 16, 2009

All Dressed Up And In a Hurry – Church & Why I Need A Sports Car To Get There

For those of you who may not venture to church on Sunday mornings you probably assume that those who do have a nice leisurely drive to the building.  This is only true for those who don’t have kids.  But for those of us with kids, we should come clean right now and admit that we probably break more traffic laws during those few minutes on Sunday mornings than we do the rest of the week combined.  This is because regardless of what time church is, you can be assured that the kids will absolutely NEVER be ready in time, even if you do make them sleep in their church clothes. 

We do our best to dress them up and help them to smell slightly better than on other days, but the process is often kinda like trying to put a tuxedo on an untamed monkey.  We’ve had church at 8:30 AM and at 3 PM (and times in between) and inevitably we’re always in a desperate rush to get out the door, preferably all wearing some sort of shoes, and into the car.  And then there’s nothing like a little Indy-500 adrenaline rush from the drive in before you walk into the serene chapel where people are singing hymns.  You see, they are very often singing when the families with small kids arrive, because the meeting started a while ago.  Actually I’m quite convinced that the use of church hymns at the beginning of the meeting is designed to cover-up the arrival of the late families. 

Then you have to find your place to sit, and you always go for the same place because, well, that’s what you do.  Where you sit in church shouldn’t matter much, but it sure feels weird to sit someplace different each week.  When we went to our new congregation here in Seattle for the first time we were determined to arrive early and make a good impression (as if anyone cares).  And of course we were late, but I’m happy to report that both boys were actually wearing pants that day.  The only open seats were on the dreaded FRONT ROW.  So there we sat, and well, that’s pretty much where we sit every week now, because (and you should have this figured out by now) that’s the spot that’s still open by the time we get there.  So if you happen to be out and about on a Sunday morning and see a mini-van full of dressed-up monkeys traveling at double the posted speed limit, just give “them” a little break.  We’re breaking the law for a very good reason (that’s what we tell ourselves).

Maybe this could be my excuse to buy a sports car . . . it’ll help us get to church on time!


Emmy said...

How will you fit all your monkeys if you have a sports car though? :) Had to think of some argument or my husband might read this and think he needs one too.

Jill said...

This post is too funny and too true. We live 6 miles from our church and it doesn't seem to matter how early we all get ready, we're still doing the mad dash to get there. I definitely have concur with your "tuxedo on an untamed monkey" line. It's just too true. Getting my son dressed is sometimes an adventure in and of itself.
Thanks for the laugh and honesty. Always refreshing.

Anonymous said...

As HTF's wife I want to say that we've only been late once- that first Sunday (okay, maybe twice, but that's it!) And to leave one piece of advice...don't ever try a new route or shortcut when you're already late, that doesn't work.

Motherboard said...

HTF: You crack me up!

(loved your father's day post on the mmb!)

The Texas Bakers said...

I could have written this myself, except then it wouldn't have been nearly as eloquent or amusing. We usually find ourselves on the hard chairs in the gym as even the overflow is full by the time we arrive.

Alida B. said...

oh and don't forget that in your old ward Mr. HTF there IS NO OVERFLOW...so if you're late and there are 7 members in your family you have to sit UP ON THE STAND...BEHIND THE BISHOPRIC...I'm not bitter. :)

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