Friday, June 19, 2009

Not Exactly What I Expected . . . The Father’s Day Post

A couple of weeks ago I was asked to write a guest Father’s Day related blog for MMB, which is kinda intimidating, because I knew that mommies everywhere would see it.  Well, it’s posted there today.  Thanks to “The Motherboard” (that’s her catchy alias) for the opportunity.  Here’s the post:

I never quite know what to do on Father’s Day. It’s pretty clear what needs to happen on Mother’s Day. That’s the one where I pretend to be able to cook things and I dress the kids for church, but I’m banned from doing ANYTHING with my girls’ hair. The last time I tried my daughter actually cried when she looked in the mirror. Also, I’m in charge of shushing the kids while the mommy takes a nap. And I have to make sure that the house looks like it wasn’t invaded by a roving mob of toy-obsessed grizzly bears (this is harder than it sounds). There’s also the gift thing. On bad years I’m that guy at the grocery store on Saturday night looking at the 2 cards that are left. (I once considered the “Get Well Soon” card . . . but that may not have gone over well) But most years I do marginally ok in the gift department.

I’m not nearly as good as I should be at gifts for my dad on his day. The first gift I remember giving him was a pencil holder (cuz I guess he had a lot of pencils or something). It was a tomato can – I had rinsed out the big chunks. Then I covered it with a piece of blue construction paper and for some strange reason wrapped the whole thing with a bunch of rubber bands. I tried to write something on it with glue and glitter, but you know that never works. (or maybe it’s just me) Anyway, that year my dad had a sweet place to put his pencils. By now he probably has more pencils, so maybe I should make another one . . .

No doubt that my four kids will deliver similarly useful gifts this year. All of my kids are under the age of 10, so I’m certain to score big in the homemade gift department.

Someone asked me a while back if being a father is what I thought it would be. Prior to actually having the kids, my thought(s) on the subject were limited to this (verbatim):
“Cool, I’ll have someone to play ball with, . . .who I can beat.”
Needless to say I have a few more thoughts on the topic now that I’m a decade into it. Fatherhood is (check out the use of ‘er’ words):

  • Stinkier than I expected: If you don’t understand, hang out with a six-month-old for a day. Or hang out in the bedroom of a nine-year-old after he’s had football practice and was too tired to shower.
  • Louder than I expected: When do kids develop volume control? Cuz from moment number one they seem determined to make sure you know they’re around. Unless they’re sneaking a chocolate cupcake that was hidden on top of the fridge for tomorrow’s birthday party.
  • Messier than I expected: My wife and I once woke from a nap to find our entire first floor covered in glitter. No vacuum will clean all of that up, particularly after the kids tried to clean it up with a wet wash cloth.
  • Bizarre-er than I expected: I once found my son eating a stick of butter in the middle of his room. Another son wore his Jedi costume to school for no apparent reason. And although I have less hair than a peach my daughter insists on “brushing” it before I go out with mommy.
  • Time-consuming-er than I expected: Bedtime chews up like 3 hours of every night, soccer, baseball, homework, consoling hurt feelings, mediating fights over small toys, cooking meals you know they won’t eat, trying to convince the girls that dead worms don’t make good house pets . . . etc.
    And last…
  • Way better than I ever expected: I get massive hugs just for coming home from work; we have dance parties in the kitchen to avoid doing dishes; a smile from my daughter can make me forget everything that might be wrong; and as great as the other 6 billion or so people out there might be, there’s nobody I’d rather be with than those 4 goofy kids and their mommy.


agm said...

Great post - MMB clearly has great taste in choosing you to write. I remember those pencil holder things - for some reason, mine were always covered in rubber bands, too. Yeah, what was the purpose of that??

Hope you have an awesome Father's Day, Froginator!!!

Emmy said...

That was wonderful!
I hope you get many amazing homemade presents this weekend.

Have a great father's day!

We have already made cards and a shirt complete with footprints for dad. Oh and of course we also bought Jelly Beans.. as long as my husband gets jelly beans he is happy :)

Rose said...

I can relate to so many of these. As a Mom, my role in Father's Day is supposed to be no more than facilitating the home made gift right? Easy, right?

Well, 1 T-shirt and 8 tubes of puffy paint later, I've learned this activity is no easier at ages 7 and 5 then it was at 3 and 1!

Jill said...

I love this post. I hope you have a great father's day. And yes, parenthood is never what we expect yet somehow its so much more. It's great that you enjoy your family so much.

Anonymous said...

I loved this post. It was very great.

rlsecor said...

beautiful! so true so true.

We recently decided that if we were to read your column in the paper but noticed that the author wasn't listed - it wouldn't matter, we would know it was you.

It's a good thing, you've got your own unique style and flair.

BrOwN CiRcUs said...

Hi, I happened across your post on MMB, I so enjoyed it! My hubby works for Microsoft and we live in Auburn. The blog community is great...thanks for sharing.

Lisa said...

Just so you know you did a great job on typing that. You are a great dad! Happy Fathers day.

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