What is up, Frog Nation????!! It’s the HTF and I’m back from vacation!! I caught tonz of tuna off the Oregon Coast . . . Hey, wait a minute, how did you already figure out it was me, AGM (AKA The A-Mast), again? Was it the exclamation marks? Tons spelled with a z? Oh, that's right, I put my name in the title. Oops. Anyway, I would like you all to know that I totally learned my lesson the last time and will no longer try to impersonate the one and only HTF. That 20 hour custodial interrogation by the Blogger Popo really taught me something. If you are wondering, I’m facing charges of “impersonating an amphibian.” (Don't tell anyone, but I think that may or may not be a real charge. I'll need to do some legal research to make sure though.) On the bright side, “Amphibian Impersonator” is going to be the kickin’ name of my new band!!
Anyway, I am really lovin’ this guest blogger deal. I’m hoping that I do a good enough job that the HTF will want to hire me on full time because, besides the free sodas and transportation to work, there are some other really great benefits to this gig:
First up, admit it - I totally tricked you guys with my last blog post into thinking HTF wasn’t really a married frog father of four, but some strange 35-year old waffle fry lovin’, Justin Timberlake fan, dancin’ machine (with unruly hair and a slight southern accent). Oh, how I totally love a sweet TWIST!!
Second - I got the power!! It’s awesome knowing that I’m powerful enough to change the HTF’s message about living the dream to something totally crazy along the lines of, “Sure I blog about my family, but my life really revolves around my collection of bling. I won’t even look at a cake unless it is frosted with Baconnaise. I have a proton pack. I fronted a hip hop/R&B group in the early 90's. I once caught a shark the size of South Carolina off the coast of South Carolina. Oh yeah, and I was the one who dropped the dirty bomb on the kitchen floor and totally blamed it on the kids. Yeah boyyyyyy!!!”
Third - I’m starting a really cool new catch-phrase, and I’m hoping that, because millions and millions of people read the HTF blog every single day, it’ll spread like a plague across the United States in a matter of days. Wanna know what my new catch-phrase is?? SWEET BACON SUITS!! How awesome is that??! You can totally use SWEET BACON SUITS as a term of excitement: SWEET BACON SUITS, I can't believe HTF has a proton pack; that is the coolest thing ever!! You can also use SWEET BACON SUITS to express disappointment: Sure I know that the HTF admitted to dropping a dirty bomb in the kitchen floor and blaming it on the kids, but SWEET BACON SUITS the dude actually just admitted to frosting his cakes with Baconnaise. Way, way worse.
Finally - I even have the power to change the very name of this blog!! I’m leaning towards “The Adventures of Henry the Frog in a SWEET BACON SUIT,” but I’m totally open to your recommendations. Remember if you are serious about coming up with a good name, dollar signs, the letter Z, the word bacon, and exclamation marks are looked favorably upon by the judge (ME). I am also thinking about changing the part where it says “comments” to “Turn it up! Bring the noise!” or “Frog Burpz.” Pretty cool, huh?
SWEET BACON SUITS, I can’t believe you made it to the end of another post without closing your browser in boredom, fear, or protest!! Thanks for that and for all the awesome comments yesterday!! And a big thanks to the HTF for letting me write!!