You’re Comparing Me to Who?!

Monday, October 05, 2009 | | |

Last week I got to go out with several of my co-workers to hit golf balls at a driving range over lunch.  This wouldn’t be that big of a deal except that it’s been like 3 years since I did that . . . and it does take some degree of skill, which I totally lack.  Those balls are really, really, small and they don’t EVER go the direction I want them too . . . unless I throw them.  I’m told that method (the “pick the thing up and chuck it method”) is against the rules though, so I grabbed my clubs and off we went.  By we, I’m referring to my international posse of golf aficionados.  One guy from India, one from Italy, and another from a country called Kentucky.  (I say that delicately because the Kentucky guy is my boss)  As you might expect, they all have great accents AND better golf swings than me.  :)

We arrived at the range and found our spots.  I went for the last spot where, in theory, the fewest people would be able to see me.  I did notice that there was a guy giving lessons to a couple next to me, but they’d surely be too involved in their lesson to gawk at my golf prowess. 

I was wrong. 

The instructor had a TV and like 30 photos of different golf swings.  He was going on and on about hips and elbows and knees and such.  I had my back to him and I tried not to pay attention, but that’s pretty hard when a professional golfer is talking a few feet from you AND he has a monogrammed golf bag.  But I just kept on hacking away.  At one point I noticed that his voice got a bit softer and then I realized he was talking to his attentive students ABOUT ME!  He was comparing my swing to some video on the TV set that I couldn’t see.  And let’s just say it wasn’t a very good comparison.  As if I wasn’t already paranoid enough I glanced quickly over to see the students slowly shaking their heads while looking at me and then and here’s the kicker, I heard the instructor point to the screen and disclose that he’d been comparing my golf swing to the form of a guy named …. TIGER WOODS.  Ugh. Like that’s not setting the bar too high!

I actually did ok that day, meaning the club made contact with a few of the balls and they went in a general forward direction, without injuring anyone.  But when I go again I won’t be setting up shop next to the golf class, that’s for sure.

And just wait until you hear what I did after my golfing fun


Blog post coming soon – Just moments after leaving the course I have a run-in that involved Osama Bin-Laden and me shooting a 9mm handgun.


  1. Ole Peg Toothe says:

    Woah, I can't believe you have left us hanging with that major cliffhanger!! (Not the Sylvester Stallone kind, but more along the lines of a telanovela kind.)

    I like that Kentucky has been upgraded to a country! Usually no one wants to acknowledge that it is even a part of the U.S. Or that people in Ky are capable of wearing shoes. Or that they have indoor plumbing. Or that have the majority of their teeth. Well, I guess except for me. (The tooth part, not the indoor plumbing. I do have that.)
    P.S. I'm going for the pirate-y effect with Toothe with an "e."

  2. Emmy says:

    You can't leave us hanging like that!!

    I have golfed a few times in my life (and no I am not talking about mini-golf here) and I find I do better on the real course then at the driving range. Something about all the people just standing there watching your creeps me out.

  3. JJ says:

    Ahhh golfing. You either love it or you hate it. I, myself, have never been (unless Putt Putt counts). However, I have heard countless stories from my husband. His stories, along with yours, make me want to go and just sit on the green for a while and see what happens.

    So when do we get Part Deux?

  4. K DOG says:

    Hilarious! I'll never see range driving the same.

  5. Kellie Miller says:

    And your Dad still claims you as his son?

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