Monday, October 05, 2009

You’re Comparing Me to Who?!

Last week I got to go out with several of my co-workers to hit golf balls at a driving range over lunch.  This wouldn’t be that big of a deal except that it’s been like 3 years since I did that . . . and it does take some degree of skill, which I totally lack.  Those balls are really, really, small and they don’t EVER go the direction I want them too . . . unless I throw them.  I’m told that method (the “pick the thing up and chuck it method”) is against the rules though, so I grabbed my clubs and off we went.  By we, I’m referring to my international posse of golf aficionados.  One guy from India, one from Italy, and another from a country called Kentucky.  (I say that delicately because the Kentucky guy is my boss)  As you might expect, they all have great accents AND better golf swings than me.  :)

We arrived at the range and found our spots.  I went for the last spot where, in theory, the fewest people would be able to see me.  I did notice that there was a guy giving lessons to a couple next to me, but they’d surely be too involved in their lesson to gawk at my golf prowess. 

I was wrong. 

The instructor had a TV and like 30 photos of different golf swings.  He was going on and on about hips and elbows and knees and such.  I had my back to him and I tried not to pay attention, but that’s pretty hard when a professional golfer is talking a few feet from you AND he has a monogrammed golf bag.  But I just kept on hacking away.  At one point I noticed that his voice got a bit softer and then I realized he was talking to his attentive students ABOUT ME!  He was comparing my swing to some video on the TV set that I couldn’t see.  And let’s just say it wasn’t a very good comparison.  As if I wasn’t already paranoid enough I glanced quickly over to see the students slowly shaking their heads while looking at me and then and here’s the kicker, I heard the instructor point to the screen and disclose that he’d been comparing my golf swing to the form of a guy named …. TIGER WOODS.  Ugh. Like that’s not setting the bar too high!

I actually did ok that day, meaning the club made contact with a few of the balls and they went in a general forward direction, without injuring anyone.  But when I go again I won’t be setting up shop next to the golf class, that’s for sure.

And just wait until you hear what I did after my golfing fun


Blog post coming soon – Just moments after leaving the course I have a run-in that involved Osama Bin-Laden and me shooting a 9mm handgun.


Ole Peg Toothe said...

Woah, I can't believe you have left us hanging with that major cliffhanger!! (Not the Sylvester Stallone kind, but more along the lines of a telanovela kind.)

I like that Kentucky has been upgraded to a country! Usually no one wants to acknowledge that it is even a part of the U.S. Or that people in Ky are capable of wearing shoes. Or that they have indoor plumbing. Or that have the majority of their teeth. Well, I guess except for me. (The tooth part, not the indoor plumbing. I do have that.)
P.S. I'm going for the pirate-y effect with Toothe with an "e."

Emmy said...

You can't leave us hanging like that!!

I have golfed a few times in my life (and no I am not talking about mini-golf here) and I find I do better on the real course then at the driving range. Something about all the people just standing there watching your creeps me out.

JJ said...

Ahhh golfing. You either love it or you hate it. I, myself, have never been (unless Putt Putt counts). However, I have heard countless stories from my husband. His stories, along with yours, make me want to go and just sit on the green for a while and see what happens.

So when do we get Part Deux?

K DOG said...

Hilarious! I'll never see range driving the same.

Kellie Miller said...

And your Dad still claims you as his son?

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