With the rapid approachment (a great word I just made up) of the football season there’s anticipation in the air of NFL mini-camps. There’s also some serious BO-stench in the air there as well, but I’m choosing not to talk about that. Every team thinks they have a shot. It’s kinda like the first few seconds at the junior high dance. You think, “hey, this could be awesome if everything goes exactly the way I’ve been trying to imagine.” If only willing it would make it so… (I’d be significantly taller and have a lot more hair if “will” was all u needed). Well, the 2nd annual HTF Fantasy Football league is about to kick off and there are similar stakes and a massive sense of unfounded optimism. One of our more skilled (at what? – I’ll let you decide) managers sent in this question:
Dear Amphibian Friend:
In preparation for the upcoming FF season I have been doing the following:
· Religiously watching the “Chiefs Training Camp Update” every night on my local news
· Religiously reading the bottom-of-the-screen crawl for NFL news on ESPN while my husband hogs the TV to watch the Little League World Series
· Tracking Ben Roethlisberger’s progress toward not screwing up over the past 2 months so his suspension will be reduced (it won’t), and
· Researching which players are “HELMET OFF” and “HELMET ON” because there is a direct correlation between playing ability and HELMET status
What do you think my chances are this season?
CM the GM
Let’s be clear, your name, or rather, call-sign, there are the end may well be your best FF attribute. Thanks for the great questions. I’ll tackle each line one by one:
- If by “religiously watching Chiefs training camp” you mean that you’re praying that they’ll win more than 3 games, then that works. If you plan to draft an actual Chiefs player, that strategy will work perfectly, but only if you draft all Chiefs players
- I’m withholding jokes about watching children play baseball on TV out of deep respect for your husband. I don’t get watching actual men play baseball on TV, so the kid thing confuses me.
- Ah, Big-Ben the role model… You can draft the guy, but just please avoid setting him up on dates with your friends.
- Important to remember that a key purpose of helmets is to “cover up the ugly.” I’m not sure just wearing a helmet means a dude can play. I proved this myself during my own adolescent football career. But if that strategy is working for ya – you go girl!
I think your chances this season are certainly off the charts. You’re guaranteed a victory with those keen strategies. And since you brought up Chiefs training camp – I leave you with this training technique in which the starting running back attempts to do, uh, two things at once…
Be sure to send your questions, regardless of how random, into email@example.com!