There’s nothing quite like finishing off a long day in the office by being mauled by gaggles of small children in a public swimming pool. Which is precisely what I did last night because that’s what you do when your wife has been home with the little people on a hot day without air conditioning.
Public pools are an awesome scene, but not for the faint of heart. Easily the scariest place is the bathroom/locker room. If there was ever a room where you shouldn’t roll around in bare feet – this is probably it. Let’s just say, toddlers trying to navigate wet swimsuits while taking care of urinal business can result in some, uh, “liquid outside of the pool.” I think the assumption is that the actual pool water has enough cleaning effects to cancel out the nasty – this is an assumption I challenge.
Also in the locker room is the unavoidable “nudity with strangers” thing. Not typically a big deal, but, well, I’ll leave out a few stories. Last night I was doing the swimsuit change and was just about the drop my drawers when a 2 year old GIRL came flying around the corner and almost ran into me. Luckily I had time to, well, not flash her. Her father was right behind her and quickly realized the awkward moment that had happened. He quickly took care of her and whisked her away. A few seconds later the SAME THING HAPPENED. At this point I resolved to become swimsuit-man from inside the biological weapon that is the public toilet stall. At no point did bare feet touch floor, but I did successfully get dressed.
Once in the water I instantly became the juggle-gym/punching bag/drowning victim of my kids and their friends. This was expected, but the onslaught was particularly ferocious yesterday. I judge this by the claw marks, bruises, and time spent laying on the bottom of the pool with multiple kids standing on me. After a while I escaped to what I expected was the relative calm of the toddler pool, only to be clocked in the eye by my daughter wielding a plastic dump-truck. This caused actual bleeding. But her friend made it better by slamming a plastic bucket on my head.
The part I left out . . .
I had a ton of fun last night!! (but may wear a helmet next time)