I intended to write about the rapidly worsening economic crisis, but that got way too depressing and since I was online I was tempted to look at my 401K, so I killed that noise. Then I was tempted to write about the crack team of rivals that President-elect Barry is putting together to cause "change we can believe in." This would've included a detailed description about how the strange kabookee-dance that Barak and Hilary are doing is exactly like most high-school dating. But I'm taking a pass on that (still, trust me, it would've been good.) So instead I'm going to tell you about something actually quite important that is at this moment grabbing the intense attention of a vast majority of the ladies in the house. And that is . . .
"Twilight," which I think is a movie based on a book based on the real-life experiences of a teenage girl falling in love with a blood-sucking
politician vampire boy, opened in theaters at midnight tonight. Across the country men will be going to bed alone while their wives are at the movies living vicariously through said teenage girl. My suggestion to the guys out there, hang up some garlic and crosses or something before she gets home, because I'm just guessing that she's going to be a lot more welcoming to vampire men when she returns. I'm tellin' ya, don't even let the kids watch The Count on Sesamee Street, because that lovely wife of yours might pull up a chair and swoon a bit, while counting along with your toddlers. A quote I've heard about the blood-sucking hero in the book: "he knows how to treat a girl." Are you listening guys?! Those are frightening words - be afraid. (and if, for your next date, you wanna borrow some of those plastic vampire teeth that you find everywhere on Halloween I'll hook you up)