Alone vs very much not alone

So it's kinda weird being a visitor in my own house, but I'm sitting at the airport right now headed back to Seattle.  I absolutely loved being home.  It seriously feels like a vacation.  The kids even seem to like it when I'm there, but some more than others.  I busted the oldest little HTFer the first night I was home as he tried to rifle through my suitcase looking for presents.  As he walked by me on the way to his sentencing in his bedroom he muttered, "it's harder to do stuff when you're home."  That's music to my ears.  The time was great and the kids and the Mrs HTF were a ball.  But being back home I am learning a bit about the contrast between living alone and living with the family.  Here are just a few observations:

- Living alone, when I leave my clothes on the floor in my bedroom, for some strange reason, they're still there when I get home at night.  This never happened at home.

- By some law of nature, kids almost always want you to get up before you actually want to.  The whole getting-up thing is totally different when you're alone.

- Cooking for yourself is really unfun.  I'd rather make 2 boxes of mac 'n cheese for the kids and a few neighbor friends.

- My wife pointed out multiple times that keeping the kids on a schedule is much easier with me gone.  Apparently my presence like triples the length of time it takes to get the kids to bed.  I don't have a good explanation for that, but bedtime seemed really fun to me . . . I don't know what she's complaining about.

Those are just a few of the observations.  It's hard to be leaving again, but I'll be back in a few weeks.  If you wanna call and talk to me, you should do it around bedtime, because I'll probably be locked in the basement.

Posers, Stabbers and Squinting at Lights

So I've never been a big fan of posing for pictures of any kind.  And I've learned over the last 9 years or so of fatherhood that adding multiple children to the mix really only makes things worse, and makes the smiles that much more fake.  We have a set of family photos where one daughter literally was crying the entire time.  So busting a grin for the camera became a bit like asking someone on a date while someone else was jabbing a sharpened pencil into your back repeatedly. 

(true story, I was once stabbed so hard with a pencil by a female 5th-grade classmate that I had to go to the nurse's office - I was left to assume that the girl either really hated me or really liked me, but I was just a kid with pencil lead in my back) 

Well today we took the little HTFers to the photographer and did our annual ritual of faking smiles so we can send out photos to people who we think like us at Christmas.  It went well, but in the end we were all pretty spent.  And that's when the wise studio-workers try to sell you stuff.  They know you're worn down and just wanna get out, so they fix up "packages" which often include several thousand wallet-sized photos of your kids staring into a light and trying not to squint.  (of course they don't cut out the pictures for you - they don't have that kind of time, because there's always a big line of gullible festive families there to photograph)  Still, the pictures turned out fine, although somehow we bought so many that we even ended up with pictures of other families too.  (that last part wasn't entirely true - Traci was actually quite frugal.) 

* The term "little HTFers" was coined by my good friend, "Little Scott" - he is known to his kids, and I'm not making this up, as "King Daddy, The Great, The Fifth" - which I thought was an excellent title.

It may not be an afro, but it's clean!!

Last week I had to drop by the store to pick up a few things.  I chose a Target since it's a place I'm kinda familiar with. This is important since I still have a big fear of shopping.  I grabbed everything on my abbreviated bachelor list.  But there was one item that I should've easily found, but couldn't seem to track down.  This was something I hadn't bought for myself in well over a decade, so it wasn't a shocker that I couldn't locate it.  And that item was . . .

shampoo

Now if you know me at all, you'll know that my head is a lot more like a cue-ball than a chia-pet.  Still, there is a bit of hair on there and I burned through the tiny bottle that came with the apartment I'm living in.  It took two whole months to do it though.  I kinda have the George Costanza thing going on just a little.  My kids draw pictures of me and the top is always totally bald, but there are these little patches on the sides.  Male-pattern baldness is a beautiful thing!

Back to my search - I looked everywhere and spent a large bit of time walking up and down the "body-wash-aisle."  Who knew there were 8,321 types of body wash?!  I thought the shampoo was gonna be nearby, but wow was I wrong.  After the long search I finally fought off my guy instincts and asked a "red shirt with khaki-pants-wearing" Target girl where the shampoo was.  I TOTALLY caught her glancing at my head and asking herself internally why in the world I'd need shampoo.  Nice.  I let her off the hook and told her it was for my wife.  She showed me to the aisle and I scored a small 87 cent bottle of Suave.  How did I celebrate my find you might ask?

That night I shaved everything off my entire melon with a razor for the first time in my life.  (I"m not entirely sure why I did this)

So if anyone needs shampoo, you can borrow mine - this bottle's gonna last me a while.

Vampires at Midnight and the Precautions Guys Should Take

I intended to write about the rapidly worsening economic crisis, but that got way too depressing and since I was online I was tempted to look at my 401K, so I killed that noise.  Then I was tempted to write about the crack team of rivals that President-elect Barry is putting together to cause "change we can believe in."  This would've included a detailed description about how the strange kabookee-dance that Barak and Hilary are doing is exactly like most high-school dating.  But I'm taking a pass on that (still, trust me, it would've been good.)  So instead I'm going to tell you about something actually quite important that is at this moment grabbing the intense attention of a vast majority of the ladies in the house.  And that is . . .

"Twilight," which I think is a movie based on a book based on the real-life experiences of a teenage girl falling in love with a blood-sucking politician vampire boy, opened in theaters at midnight tonight.  Across the country men will  be going to bed alone while their wives are at the movies living vicariously through said teenage girl.  My suggestion to the guys out there, hang up some garlic and crosses or something before she gets home, because I'm just guessing that she's going to be a lot more welcoming to vampire men when she returns.  I'm tellin' ya, don't even let the kids watch The Count on Sesamee Street, because that lovely wife of yours might pull up a chair and swoon a bit, while counting along with your toddlers.  A quote I've heard about the blood-sucking hero in the book: "he knows how to treat a girl."  Are you listening guys?!  Those are frightening words - be afraid.  (and if, for your next date, you wanna borrow some of those plastic vampire teeth that you find everywhere on Halloween I'll hook you up)

Lucky

Today I heard this song ("The Luckiest" by Ben Folds).  It made me really miss the Mrs. HTF, who I'll get to see in a few days!  I've added it to my little playlist.  So in lieu of the usual cheeky satire, which will return soon, I give you the lyrics:

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am, I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on the street where you live?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a wide sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know

That I am
I am, I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you
Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
His wife, she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a
strange way to tell you that I know
we belong
That I know
That I am
I am, I am
The luckiest

Handle and/or Bite With Extreme Caution

Today we take an ever-so-cautious peek into the mailbag.  Here's what I found:

TUBERS: What would HTF suggest someone do with such things.  I have read that they are edible - but have found no recipes or claims that anyone has attempted to eat them.  I have also read that they can be stored and propagated the coming year. 

I am afraid that if I were to re-plant even one of them, that our neighborhood would be taken over.  The pictures do no justice. They are humungo! I wonder if they could be the next best thing in emergency preparedness, food storage or feeding the hungry children of the world while beautifying our planet at the same time.

Hope all is well on your side of the pond my dear frog friend.

- Becca

I'm always one with my radar turned on looking for funny words, and "tubers" is a clear-cut winner.  It is also multi-functional (kinda like the printer is supposed to be here at work, but as far as I can tell the Xerox's only function is to JAM).  For instance, it's a perfect insult: "Brandon, you're such a freakin' TUBER."  It's a term of endearment, "Ah, that baby is cute little TUBER."  OR, as is more often the case, it's a strong substitute for a swear word: (upon stubbing my pinky toe on the bed frame for the thousandth time) - "OH TUBER!!!"

Now, back to the question, which was about gnomes I think.  Oh, no, it was about tubers.  This form of vegetation, while it may be edible in the same way that shoe boxes are edible, is actually quite dangerous.  You can chop 'em up, but they won't stop growing under most conditions.  In fact, a few hundred years ago, a pirate, who I will call Captain Tuber (mostly because that would be a good name for a rock band) sailed into a tiny island in the very South Pacific called "Speck."  He had plundered (an excellent word as well) a jar of some type of vegetable from a mother in Malaysia.  He took a bite of it, and it was so HORRIFIC, that he dug a hole in the little island and buried the thing.  Well, the tuber grew, a lot, and that island now has a new name.  Most folks call it Australia.

So yeah, I guess tubers could be food storage and feed hungry children, but there's a reason you couldn't find any recipes.  That pirate was the last known human to take a bite of one.  A little known fact is that the ultimate weapon from the military isn't "NUCLEAR" it's "TUBULAR."  This means that if a country is really throwing down with us, we'll sneak some guys in there with garden gloves, bulletproof aprons, and one of those miniature shovels, and we'll plant 2 or 3 of those things.  It's a Weapon of Mass Vegetation.

Anyway, thanks for the great question, Becca.  I hope you enjoyed my photo of an actual Tuber.

HTF The Podcast - Episode 3

A few months ago I threatened to start up the podcast again. Well, I'm finally getting around to the "meet the readers" series.
In this episode Scott interviews blog readers Becki and Jason. A few highlights:
- Jason calls Scott stupid.
- We learn the 5-letter swear word in their house,
- We listen to fantasy football cause a little marital discord
- Becki reveals Jason is a "football snob"
- Learn how you too can rent out your house for $20,000 a week
- And somehow Debbie Gibson's piano gets in the mix.


MP3 File

Remember you can subscribe to the feed or download on iTunes (just search for "HTF") Let me know what you think (comments/e-mail) and if you'd be willing to be interviewed for a podcast! :)

Not in Kansas Anymore (part 1 of many)

I was warned when I moved here to Seattle that the people here were quite different from the Midwest. I haven't seen much of that, but then again, I pretty much stick to my apartment, my office, the gym, and Costco. Most everyone I've met has seemed pretty much like folks I knew in KC. So I decided to look up the Seattle newspaper online to see if I could find some examples of what they were talking about.

Well, this was the lead story. (give it a read, but just a quick one)

My favorite part was about the bicyclists who were "strutting their stuff" to "draw dependence to oil dependency." I'm sure that if anyone came across one of these chilly riders the first thing to cross their mind would absolutely be our frightening dependence on foreign oil.

Also, the line about "per se not illegal" was a bit (a lot) surprising.

So yeah, I guess some things are different here.

Remembering The Great Marble Incident

I had a talk on the phone with my 9-year-old son tonight. I asked the questions my parents used to ask me and had the same conversation we've all had with our kids at the end of the day:

Me: How was school?

Him: Good

Me: What was good about it?

Him: I don't remember

Me: Ok, then, how was the rest of your day?

Him: Good

Me: (pausing . . .) Why was it good?

Him: I don't remember. Can I have your football that's in the closet? (I have a fancy autographed football in there that I won at some thing I don't remember)

At this point I racked my brain trying to think like a 9-year-old - not that tough actually. You see, they think pretty big, and they think immediate. Planning is something you do when you're old. And what happened 10 minutes ago was forgotten 8 minutes ago. As a 9-year-old boy you just want to maximize the fun - now.

For instance during fourth grade a conspiring friend and I decided that during indoor recess it would be a marvelous idea to sneak away to the bathroom and throw handfuls of marbles at the wall as hard as we could. Made perfect sense at the time. We laughed heartily as we dodged the careening marbles (good name for a rock band) while avoiding, most of the time, putting a shoe in the urinals. We'd pick the marbles up off of the super-duper-clean floor and make more throws. This was way better than Connect-Four! To our dismay a teacher walked in - catching me mid-throw. Somehow her spidey-senses had picked us up, since I'm sure we weren't making any audible noise, what with the ricocheting spheres and our prepubescent cackles . . .

So I guess my point is that I won't be frustrated with Ethan's not wanting to talk about the day. But you can bet that if he (who happens to go the same elementary school I went to) had happened to discover the power of high-velocity marbles and cinder-block restroom walls, we would've had a great talk about that.

And if you're wondering if I washed my hands after emerging from the scene of the crime all those years ago - I don't remember!

HTF (back in control of the blog) Responds

I can't say that I've ever had my blog hacked, only to be repeatedly complimented.  Not sure what I did today that made all that goodness happen.  But I'm left speechless, and oddity for me, and humbled.  You were going to be reading a long-winded rebuttal, full of multi-syllabic words, denying everything, with both nouns and verbs, and even perhaps another photo of a walrus, but I'll just leave it at this.

Thank you. 

I'm a lucky guy to know you all.

A Guest (or rather a meddling wife) Posting For A Guest

My husband got this really nice email from a friend and I know he probably won't post it himself, so I'll do it for him. Let's see how long it takes before he notices that it's here. I'll let you know (that is, if he doesn't change his username or password.)

Scottie,

I know this goes against the HTF standards, but if thats Ok with you, Id like you to include this not as a comment, but as an entry into the Blog:

About this Blogger
Before anyone gets confused, this is not Henry The Frog writing today. My name is Gonzalo Peña, and I just asked HTF to include this entry in the blog. I just wanted to pay a little hommage to him, to whom a consider a friend and a brother, and to whom I will refer in this entry as "the blogger". I met the blogger in 1994 in (my native country) Venezuela, while serving as full-time missionaries for our Church . Back then both of us were new to the missionary experience, and needless to say, we felt quite self-concious and insecure, but with great desires to do good to those around us. Life as a missionary, contrary to the romantic vision some might hold, brings many hardships along with the undescribable joy that one might experience. I was only twelve hours away from home and yet I felt I had walked into a totally different world, I cant even imagine how the blogger might have felt. Despite all this, I was not only able to perceive the bloggers great heart and willingness to do good just by listening to the broken Spanish he spoke when he arrived to my country, but I was able to see firsthand his greatness and character when becoming his full-time missionary companion for several months. By the way, he became fluent in Spanish in a really short time (and he still is).

Later on I had the blessing of coming to USA to obtain an education, and for those of you who dont know, Caracas, Venezuela, does not resemble very much to Provo, Utah, in fact, Provo, Utah does not seem to match many places on the globe. Now it was my turn to REALLY feel like a fish out of water. That first year in the United States was not easy at all, and hardships made me go back home for a while before returning to finish my degree. But without going to details, The blogger and his beautiful wife were there for me when I needed it the most. I was able to feel their sincere love and ability to share whatever they had to accomodate a good friend. Their example that helped me keep going when I felt alone in a new country.

The blogger taught me that at the time of the importance of be valiant when defending the people one loves, and to be a good listener, to be faithful to your friends, to serve with a heart. This is the type of individual Henry The Frog is. I am grateful and joyful to be considered his friend.

Sincerely,

--
Gonzalo A. Peña
nicedeed.blogspot.com

Walruses, Lawyers, Yoda, The Guy With All The Medals, and Sunday Morning Talk Shows

Not being creative enough to come up with anything myself to blog about tonight.  I opened the not-so-full mailbag and came across a question that I think is quite timely.  Just a reminder - send in your questions/comments to henrythefrog@gmail.com so that you too can see your "name" in lights and learn absolutely nothing perhaps a bit of information that may or may not be entirely accurate.  Those questions needn't (a funny word) be long or particularly insightful themselves.  Some simple examples might be:

Amongst walruses, what is the biggest holiday?  OR

Was The White House named "The White House" before or after it was painted?  (chicken or the egg stuff) OR

So what would the downside be if mosquitos and/or lawyers suddenly became extinct?  (fun fact - multiple real lawyers read HTF, so I'm gonna get it for that one)

See, it's easy.  Also alert reader, CM, mentioned to me the other day, "I think comments are like crack to bloggers."  That was a bit humiliating, but I suppose it's a fair analogy.  Kinda pitiful I guess...  anyway, enough about that.  On to our question from an alert reader (who may or may not be an actual lawyer):

Dear HTF,

There has been a lot of speculation on who will be the next permanent host of Meet the Press.  Brokaw?  BriWi?  Andrea Mitchell?  Gregory?  Chris Matthews?  Chuck Todd?  Who do you think has the best shot?  OR do you think this is all a ruse & that NBC is going to pull a Palinian surprise (new band name??) &  actually name HTF as the new host?  If so, can I be your first guest?  I would like to have a VERY ANGRY DEBATE with Michael Half Fish/Half Man Phelps on . . . [hold on, I'm trying to figure that out] . . . on . . .

Oh, who am I kidding, I should just go ahead and ask him to be my running mate, right?  (After I get him to autograph my swim goggles first, of course.) 

Signed,
The Future President of Awesomeness

First, I'll note that you're still dwelling on Phelps envy.  So as Yoda would say, "control your emotions you should."  I'm not entirely sure how you're so in the loop on something NBC and I have been trying to keep under wraps for a while now.  Yes, HTF will replace T-Russ permanently in the near future.  Tommy Boy has been ok, and Chris Matthews was definitely in the running.  The only downside is that I have more of a face for radio, so NBC is putting together lots of video montages to compensate.  In fact - I've been telling TommyBro what to ask the last several weeks.  For some reason he keeps changing my questions on TV though.

Example:

Tom Brokaw: "Senator Obama, what is the most important thing the President can do to turn around an economy where thousands are losing their jobs and homes every week?

HTF (what I told him to ask):  "Senator Obama, If you were a present how would you be wrapped?"

That was an actual job interview question I got once, so I thought if it was good enough for a financial analyst job, it would be good enough for a wanna-be President.  I see by polling that you're definitely the front runner in the President of Awesomeness race.  But beware the "Palinian Surprise" (no, this is not a dessert . . . that I know of) from your competitors.  But don't "beware" too much, because by definition that type of surprise backfires in the end.  Anyway, I look forward to seeing you and wanna-be-VP Phelps with all his medals on MTP with HTF in the future.  Thanks for the question.

Attn Patron(s): Please Shower Before Entering the Gym

There are people out there who exercise at private clubs, some of them do it to maintain peak fitness, some do it just to oogle (is that a word?) at a few of the others exerciserists (definitely not a word), and most do it way less often and with way less vigor than they should (HTF).  See I know this because I do, in fact, go to the gym on occasion.  Yesterday I was making sure the elliptical unit I was on was doing actual ellipsis when a guy got on the machine next to me.  You know that in these rooms they always have the equipment close together.  I gave him the obligatory head nod acknowledging that he had entered the area and that I welcomed him in as non-committal a way as possible. 

It should be noted, that almost by definition, rooms full of people sweating from exertion probably shouldn't be expected to smell like when you walk through the perfume area of the department store in the mall.  But I'm telling you, after 2 minutes with this guy next to me I was grimacing and gasping for air that I didn't want to breath in because his scent had made the area uninhabitable by oxygen consuming organisms. 

Dude stunk.

So after 6 entire minutes on the machine I made my way to a vacant treadmill, one on the other side of the room.  I'm good with people stinking after they exercise, but they shouldn't stink before the heart rate cranks up.

Trust me, I made strong mental and olfactory notes (involuntarily) of what the fella looked/smelled like, and he won't be greeted as kindly the next time he mounts the machine next to me.

Jockeying for that Dream Job with the Insanely Long Title

In case you can't tell by reading the blog, pretty much all I've been catching on the TV/internet is politics, The West Wing, and the occasional football game.  I'm told there are actual shows with plots and acting and everything out there.  I'm just pretty sure there's nothing as entertaining as "real" people jockeying for power.  The buzz today is that pretty much everyone who's ever called themselves a democrat or seen a donkey is trying to be appointed a cabinet secretary, get a spot working in the White House or at least hired as "the senior counsel to the junior deputy advisor to the special aide for the assistant secretary of agricultural regulatory affairs in the department of transportation in charge of scented candle trade negotiations with SouthEast Asia."  (that guy has a larger-than-usual business card)  These are just some of the great jobs that are suddenly being vacated by vilified Republicans, who will soon all relocate to a fort, a well armed one, in an undisclosed red state.  Only the two remaining GOP senators and the pizza delivery guy know where it is.

The yapping melons (good name for a rock band) on TV are wildly speculating about who gets which job.  (somehow I started typing "talking heads" and "yapping melons" came out . . . I may need to go to sleep soon)  I was trying to think about what would happen to big corporations if suddenly everyone in charge of anything was gone and a new leader showed up and had to staff the whole thing.  (I'd be shorting that stock)  Kinda nuts, if you think about it that way.  So our new president-elect is gonna be a busy guy and will need a lot of org charts.  Actually, you may be surprised by this, but he's asked me to vet candidates for positions in the executive branch.  So please send me a note (post a comment) telling me which government position you'd like to have and why.  And even if it's not a real position, that's not a problem.  We (your friendly federal government) just came up with $700 billion by signing a piece of paper, so we can manage to find the room in our little budget to help you land your government dream-gig.  It doesn't even need to require actual work.  For example, your job could be to ride on Air Force One with the President when he vacations in Hawaii.

As for me, I plan to open up a business card printing business in DC.

Election Night Live Blog

5:15 PM PST:  And so it begins, or should I say, ends.  Most of the votes have been cast, and polls are closing all up and down the Eastern part of the country.  Welcome to the live HTF analysis/commentary of Election night.  You'll read snide remarks valuable insights that will hopefully make the event just that much better.  This is the Super Bowl of politics capping a presidential race that began way before I was born.  We'll see if this can go interactive tonight.  Here's what I ask - add your comments early and often.  Send in e-mails to henrythefrog@gmail.com.  Don't just read along, play along.  (hit "Refresh" to see the new posts) A couple of you have told me that this blog is the source of most of your political news which is frightening interesting.  I am at my desk on the West Coast and will drive home now.  As it stands Barry has a 103 to 34 lead, and the networks that I can access on the internet are showing a good deal of coverage of people gathering for the huge "We Love Our New President Obama" party in Illinois.  Probably a sign of how the night's gonna go.  I'll be back with an update when I get "home" (by which I mean my lonely apartment).  It's entirely possible the election will be over by then, meaning that the millions of folks in the West could've probably just avoided standing in those lines we saw on the news.  (on that note, here's Brian Williams blowing you a kiss)

5:53 PM PST:  I just landed on the couch.  Catching an interview with BO Campaign Chair David Axelrod.  I LOVE that last name.  I'm told his best friends are named John Crankshaft and Eddie Gearshift.  Welcome to AGM - she correctly pointed out the creepiness of Ann Curry's hologram thing where she looks like she's in a greek cartoon showing us incomprehensible charts and graphs about "exit polls."  (these are actually metal poles placed at the exit of the church or library you vote at and built to not allow you to leave until you are thoroughly questioned.)

6:02 PM PST:  I've done a quick scan of all of the "news" (cable and otherwise) channels and have learned what the real point of tonight is: to find out which station has the most flashy, impossible to use without extensive training, big, "touchable", computer thingy.  I just saw Soledad O'Brien yell at a 97 year old guy trying to get the touch screen to work.  As he repeatedly poked it with his finger she not-so-patiently pointed out, "you need to touch it higher!"

6:14 PM PST:  James "Golum" Carville is so excited about the fact that dems are winning EVERTHING that he just sprouted hair live on CNN!

6:23 PM PST:  I'm loving how the talking heads keep getting interrupted by a funny bell sound telling them there's a "Voter Alert."  It's like they suddenly forget how to speak when that happens, and that's saying something.  Current score: Barry 174  JohnyMac 69

And in a sign of how anticlimactic the night seems to be going I just got a text from BGray saying he's trying to decide whether to watch the election or run 4 miles.

6:28 PM PST:  Hello to Marie who fairly questions whether "Axelrod" was a real name.  Trust me, I had to verify that one too when I first heard it.  Wolffgang Blitzer just pointed at a huge screen covered with numbers and said, "THESE ARE REAL VOTES."  Wow, I'm glad to know we're not posting FAKE votes, but we haven't gotten to Florida yet.

And AGM, I'm with you on the Magic Skates and JK.  But he is that MASTER of the touch screen.  Right now he's just mumbling and drawing happy-faces all over a map of Ohio with his index finger.

6:45 PM PST:  Hi Amanda, welcome to the blog!  JK is still playing with his touch screen.  He just did a scenario where McCain wins almost everything that's left and it's not enough.  Then he said to all west coast voters (a good name for a rock band), "God Bless you, but please still vote.  Nice to feel pointless.  But as the Mrs. HTF just told me on the phone referring to West Coast voters: "Your vote may not count, but at least you're awake enough to see everyone else's results"

6:48 PM PST:  JJ is in the house!  (see comments)  I can't type that without thinking "DY-NO-MITE."  She's wisely opted to not watch election coverage and instead watch "Get Smart."  This happens to be exactly what JohnyMac and the Mrs. JohnyMac are doing right now. 

6:55 PM PST:  Most stations are calling Ohio for Barry.  It's quite over, but we all knew that several hours ago.  We see now that the networks are trying to drag this thing out as long as possible but not calling the whole thing.  Right now the CNN panel of talking heads is having a heated debate on dental hygiene.  Ew, David Gergen (heretofore known as G-Dogg) just started speaking - see women everywhere swoon.

CM just told me that the local station in KC has switched over to coverage of the Fort Osage Fire Dept Tax proposal.  Nuf said...

7:03 PM PST:  Here is an actual exchange from CNN talking about Obama's electoral votes:

Anderson "I'm too cool" Cooper to Wolff: "When he gets to 270, what do we do?"

Wolff's response: "We report that!"

It's hilarious to listen to these people try to drag out the non-drama.

7:22 PM PST:  Well my friends (said in a John Mccain-like voice) that's it.  I had hoped it might go on for a bit longer.  I just snuck into the Obama fortress in Chicago and snapped this photo for you:

He looks kinda bummed out.  If you look closely you can see the plans for drapes and carpet in the White House.  Watching the talking heads you can tell that the only thing keeping most of them (the non-Fox News folks) from screaming out in glee is the fact that, as JJ just pointed out, they have to "fill hours of time with meaningless and humorless comments."

Thanks to those of you who logged in and played along.  I acknowledge that most of you are probably quite asleep and/or watching something interesting by now.  If you have any post-election thoughts/questions, send 'em in and I'd be happy to post a response that you're guaranteed to either like ... or not.

Scary doggies, tough cowboys, a giant mouse, and an invitation

The weekends are the hard times without the Mrs. HTF and the tadpoles (a good name for a rock band) around.  Thankfully this weekend my sister and her family drove up from Portlandia to hang out in my too-big apartment with me.  Henry, my 2.5 year-old nephew dressed up as Pecos Bill.  (I'm pretty sure Pecos wasn't a real guy, but judging from Henry's costume, if he was real, he was too cute to scare any of the bad guys):

We met up with my brother and his girlfriend and they brought their wiener-dog, Petty, dressed as a devil - this is about as scary as wiener dogs can get:

And as you can tell by the sudden rush of photos on a blog that typically is pictureless, I got a new camera.  And instead of eating Halloween candy, I played with my new toy under the watchful eyes and wagging tail of Petty:

In other breaking-news - this weekend I figured out how to videoconference with the family back in KC.  This was great because the kids could give me the same one-word answers to questions "face-to-face" instead of over the phone.  I am loving the new camera so much that I'm taking pictures of pictures.  Here's one of the video conference with the Mrs. HTF.  I'm probably gonna get in trouble for posting this one without written authorization, so don't ever call me a wimp!

Then there's this photo, which I would invite you all to create a caption to by commenting on this post (yes, that's an enormous roller-ball mouse):

Also, tonight I learned that an entire family in Tokyo, Japan listens to the HTF Playlist frequently and performs serious dance moves.  So yeah, to answer the question we all get at work multiple times on Monday mornings - I had a great weekend.

PS - I want to invite you all (both of you) to a play by play blog during the election results on Tuesday night.  I will begin blogging/commenting around 5:30 PST/8:30 EST as I watch the election coverage.  You should PLEASE comment on the blog and send in questions as the night goes on - let's make it interactive!  (You'll just hit refresh to see the new posts)  Invite your friends/family/pets/appliances and gather around the laptop and the TV news team of your choice - it's gonna be a fun night for all of us and either Barry or JohnyMac will be flashing his teeth and wading through balloons by the time the night is over.